October 20, 2010 @ 10:47 p.m.
There are a million things that I would rather be doing with my time than documenting the harassment or anything else that's happening in Vermont. I feel chained to this computer. I don't want to do this; I never wanted to do it, but as long as people persist in it, I feel as if I have document it.
Why won't you just stop? Why can't you find another way to spend your day so that I don't have to go through any more of this?
People who think that it's all just a big joke and that no matter how long it goes on, I'll just get over it and want to get to know them once they're ready to be done with it are wrong. It has been a frightening, painful, horrible situation, and it amazes me that anybody still thinks it's funny. The car getting smashed wasn't enough for you? My having to leave my own home for days in a row and being at odds for weeks with my family that I have worked so hard to reconcile with weren't enough for you? You seem to think that you alone are what matter, and nobody else matters, the time other people have to put into dealing with the nightmare that you create, none of that matters to you. You're just going to keep on with your crap until you've got all the donation money you want, until the joke has finally stopped being funny even to you, until more people across the country commit suicide after being bullied, as you lower the standards of behavior for the whole world more and more every day.
You don't seem to understand the extent to which I'm not just going to get over it in terms of forgiving you, or how charming I DON'T find you, or how hard I have to work not to HATE YOU for what you have done to me and to other people. It is obvious that you don't get that at all, that everything in your lives has made you believe that you are so special that no matter what you do, it's never really bad and anyone who doesn't forgive you just doesn't understand what great people you are or is just being unreasonable or prissy in some way.
It's more than hatred that I feel, do you understand me? It's anger over your seemingly impenetrable self-centeredness and it's resentment for how much work I put in to fixing all the problems that you cause every day, and have caused every day for a very long time.
My room is filled with newspapers; there's no space on the floor anywhere. I have so many pictures to put up, so many things to describe about what has happened that I feel overwhelmed all the time by how much there is to do. I couldn't possibly document all of the harassment that's out there, from the supermarkets which you've ALREADY seen...there's no reason for me to talk about this anymore now. You're just not getting it. It's such a nightmare. What does it take for you to realize that you're monsters?
This takes up my time; is THAT something you understand? I am NOT HAPPY not to have a job, I am NOT HAPPY to be living at my parents' house, I am NOT HAPPY that every time I leave my own house, or even when I'm in my house, I feel afraid because harassment and violence have been advocated against me. This is not a fun game for me; there's nothing about this that is fun. If I say funny things sometimes, it's because I'm making the most of a horrible situation.
Either you are the worst people I have ever seen or there is something about how your minds work that I just don't get. You're hurting people. What about "you're hurting people" is not getting through to you?
Copyright L. Kochman October 21, 2010 @ 12:27 a.m.
There are a million things that I would rather be doing with my time than documenting the harassment or anything else that's happening in Vermont. I feel chained to this computer. I don't want to do this; I never wanted to do it, but as long as people persist in it, I feel as if I have document it.
Why won't you just stop? Why can't you find another way to spend your day so that I don't have to go through any more of this?
People who think that it's all just a big joke and that no matter how long it goes on, I'll just get over it and want to get to know them once they're ready to be done with it are wrong. It has been a frightening, painful, horrible situation, and it amazes me that anybody still thinks it's funny. The car getting smashed wasn't enough for you? My having to leave my own home for days in a row and being at odds for weeks with my family that I have worked so hard to reconcile with weren't enough for you? You seem to think that you alone are what matter, and nobody else matters, the time other people have to put into dealing with the nightmare that you create, none of that matters to you. You're just going to keep on with your crap until you've got all the donation money you want, until the joke has finally stopped being funny even to you, until more people across the country commit suicide after being bullied, as you lower the standards of behavior for the whole world more and more every day.
You don't seem to understand the extent to which I'm not just going to get over it in terms of forgiving you, or how charming I DON'T find you, or how hard I have to work not to HATE YOU for what you have done to me and to other people. It is obvious that you don't get that at all, that everything in your lives has made you believe that you are so special that no matter what you do, it's never really bad and anyone who doesn't forgive you just doesn't understand what great people you are or is just being unreasonable or prissy in some way.
It's more than hatred that I feel, do you understand me? It's anger over your seemingly impenetrable self-centeredness and it's resentment for how much work I put in to fixing all the problems that you cause every day, and have caused every day for a very long time.
My room is filled with newspapers; there's no space on the floor anywhere. I have so many pictures to put up, so many things to describe about what has happened that I feel overwhelmed all the time by how much there is to do. I couldn't possibly document all of the harassment that's out there, from the supermarkets which you've ALREADY seen...there's no reason for me to talk about this anymore now. You're just not getting it. It's such a nightmare. What does it take for you to realize that you're monsters?
This takes up my time; is THAT something you understand? I am NOT HAPPY not to have a job, I am NOT HAPPY to be living at my parents' house, I am NOT HAPPY that every time I leave my own house, or even when I'm in my house, I feel afraid because harassment and violence have been advocated against me. This is not a fun game for me; there's nothing about this that is fun. If I say funny things sometimes, it's because I'm making the most of a horrible situation.
Either you are the worst people I have ever seen or there is something about how your minds work that I just don't get. You're hurting people. What about "you're hurting people" is not getting through to you?
Copyright L. Kochman October 21, 2010 @ 12:27 a.m.