THERE IS NO CODE INTENDED IN ANYTHING I WRITE HERE.
April 19, 2011 @ 8:33 a.m.
--I'm at the Department of Labor. The pages that say "It's a New Day!" are still tacked up over and partially obscuring the sign on the bulletin board that says "DISCRIMINATION IS AGAINST THE LAW." The pages go on to say:
"We are making changes in how we provide services."
It's about the benefits service center. The website is www.mybenefits.vt.gov, so that's the Vermont state government.
This morning, I realized where the benefits service center for the Vermont state government got its slogan "It's a New Day!". It's from the Weight Watchers posters on the front door to the building, the front door to this department, and in other places in the building. The posters feature Jennifer Hudson.
Copyright L. Kochman April 19, 2011 @ 8:47 a.m.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
April 19, 2011 @ 10:10 a.m.
--For a while, I had a blog on WordPress, but it got destroyed. I had kept documents of a lot of things I had written on WordPress, so I was able to put them on Weebly.
However, there were a few things that were originally on one or the other or both of my Weebly or WordPress blogs which I deleted myself from those blogs and never replaced.
At one time, during the summer of 2010, I had written a description of how it happened that a lot of people in Hollywood, the media, corporations and finally not only the government of my own country but governments of other countries and also worldwide organizations started to try to bully me. I described how I had never intended or wanted to end up inside a circle of men, of any number, most if not all of whom had girlfriends. I described how, even though men with girlfriends pursued me and I told them "no," the pursuits of me by those men were portrayed as legitimate by many in the media and that the men weren't abused for those pursuits at all even while I got called horrible names.
It seems as if the first of what turned into a group of four men had broken up with his girlfriend in order to pursue me, which I didn't know even at the time when I first saw that he was interested in me and I suggested that he try again with her. Since I wasn't sure that I had done the right thing by saying that, I observed the situation for a while, through his many break-ups with her, until I understood beyond question that he and I WERE NOT AND ARE NOT COMPATIBLE and that it would never matter to me if he were single or dating someone because I was never going to be interested in him again.
As I've said many times before, but which people who are reading this blog for the first time or who read it for the first time since the summer ended might not know, I never tried to lure anyone out of a prior relationship. That was prefectly clear to all of those men immediately, because I said so and I stayed with that statement through everything that happened and that has happened since. I said some things that were flirty at the beginning, but everything I ever said that way was along the lines of "He's cute and talented." I DID NOT try to take anyone's boyfriend away, and in fact I strongly and repeatedly objected to the media frenzy that insisted on trying to set me up with any of those men or to portray me as being in competition with any of the girlfriends of those men.
If I did say a few flirty things in the beginning, it was because the people at whom I directed the comments seemed extremely far away from me and it didn't occur to me that they would leave or threaten to leave their girlfriends for me, whether seriously or jokingly. Because they were celebrities, it felt at first as if they were as far away as if they were simply pictures in magazines. It didn't seem more real to me than that.
When they did respond unexpectedly to what I said, and when the media built up a story about them being in competition with each other for my affections, I wasn't sure what was going on. At first I thought that the entire thing was just a joke, or a stunt, and that maybe the relationships that the men had with their girlfriends weren't real relationships. I was shocked when I understood that the people in the media who were trying to encourage the competition that they had created KNEW that all of those men were already in real relationships with other women and that the media DIDN'T CARE about those prior relationships or what those women were feeling at all.
In the middle of that melee, while still promoting competition with me as the trophy, there were people in the media who started using the BP oil spill as code for the idea that I was dirty and disgusting, a disaster of contamination. There were about 100 pages in this blog that I used to describe the seemingly endless days of media coverage of that story..."Day 92....Day 100," and so on.
The number of horrible, unfair, and disgusting things that have been said about me are uncountable at this point. What's more, the ENTIRE THING is a malicious lie. Even within the context of what I consider a bad and archaic way of thinking that seeks to stigmatize women for doing things that aren't half as bad as what men who don't get stigmatized do, I didn't do anything to deserve the way that my reputation has been abused.
What happened after I had said "no, no, no," to that first group of 4 men was that famous men of all kinds started to express their interest in me. They appeared on the cover of magazines that they knew I read, and the accompanying articles would reference innocent things I had said online that had nothing to do with them. They created movies or songs that were centered on dialogues that had happened online and/or that conspicuously included references to my overall situation. NO MATTER HOW I ADDRESSED any of the men in that barrage, whether I ignored them or vehemently rejected them, they all responded the same way; by seeking to abuse and ridicule me.
After a while, anyone who tried to be nice to or about me got abused by the people who were abusive to me.
Copyright L. Kochman April 19, 2011 @ 10:49 a.m.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
April 19, 2011 @ 2:38 p.m.
--Last week, the following poster appeared at the town library:
“Spring Break in the Children’s Room at the ----------------- Public Library:
Monday, April 18, 2011: Spring Bunny Bags
Tuesday, April 19, 2011: Salt Art
Wednesday, April 20, 2011: Movie and Popcorn “How To Train Your Dragon”
Thursday, April 21, 2011: Family Bingo with Small Prizes
Friday, April 22, 2011: Earth Day Mosaic Art
For a while it surprised me how many women are interested in sexualizing children. I don’t mean that to be a sexist statement. I had never thought about pedophilia much before this past year, and I think that, like a lot of people, the stereotype of a pedophile that I had in my mind without questioning it was of a man who kidnaps children in order to molest and rape them and possibly kill them.
After I had seen enough behavior by pedophilic women to understand that a lot more women than I realized are sexually interested in children, it occurred to me that maybe one reason that a lot of those women who seem otherwise nice and respectable have pedophilic tendencies is that they are extremely confused and frustrated about their inability to create healthy, fully adult sex lives for themselves.
If American society has historically condemned women for showing sexual interest in men in an honest and respectful way, if our society still wants women to manipulate men to show interest first, if our society has historically condemned women who have sought to make their own, independent decisions and to direct their own behavior regarding their love and sex lives, then perhaps a lot of married mothers are almost in the same situation as priests who couldn’t find outlets for their sexual energy and so turned to children as sex objects.
Here’s another poster that has appeared since Saturday afternoon, next to the poster about “Spring Break in the Children’s Room,” on the back door of the library, closest to the parking lot:
“Senior Day at the ------------Public Library:
Come hear what the crabby and irreverent Maxine has to say. She’s laugh-out-loud funny!
(time and date)
Free of charge
Light Refreshments to follow”
One thing I went through in Burlington was obnoxious behavior from people who seemed to be trying to use me to get publicity. I weigh that in my mind against how important I think it is to report their abuse.
I noticed a business earlier today which had a new sign out; on one side of the chalkboard it said “Ignore the Weather,” and some plug for what it sells, and then a little chalk picture of an umbrella. On the other side it was offering to sell something else and it said “Better than Prozac.”
I don’t take Prozac; I tried Paxil for a while in the hospital and that was an especially bad time for everyone I interacted with. Within a week, everything I did was going about 100 miles per hour in a way that I think most people would describe as impossible to cope with rather than exhilarating. My voicemail messages to people, always plentiful in the first place, multiplied. I had permission (really, it’s a patient right but it’s not put that way at all in practice) to read my chart 4 to 5 times per week, and one nurse after another wrote that I was talking extremely fast and in a pressured way during that time. I don’t know if anyone who wrote that kind of note in my chart ever connected the change in my behavior with the fact that I’d been taking Paxil; I didn’t see any notes that asked that question.
Finally, I stopped taking it. I didn’t meet any resistance about that; I don’t think there was any dispute that it wasn’t doing anything for me.
Yesterday, when I saw the “Maxine” poster for the first time, I also noticed that someone had put a book near the librarian’s station that said something like “David Little” or “David Small.”
As many times as I try to understand the motivation of women who support things that oppress them, I think that true understanding of those women continues to escape me.
Copyright L. Kochman April 19, 2011 @ 2:59 p.m.
April 19, 2011 @ 8:33 a.m.
--I'm at the Department of Labor. The pages that say "It's a New Day!" are still tacked up over and partially obscuring the sign on the bulletin board that says "DISCRIMINATION IS AGAINST THE LAW." The pages go on to say:
"We are making changes in how we provide services."
It's about the benefits service center. The website is www.mybenefits.vt.gov, so that's the Vermont state government.
This morning, I realized where the benefits service center for the Vermont state government got its slogan "It's a New Day!". It's from the Weight Watchers posters on the front door to the building, the front door to this department, and in other places in the building. The posters feature Jennifer Hudson.
Copyright L. Kochman April 19, 2011 @ 8:47 a.m.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
April 19, 2011 @ 10:10 a.m.
--For a while, I had a blog on WordPress, but it got destroyed. I had kept documents of a lot of things I had written on WordPress, so I was able to put them on Weebly.
However, there were a few things that were originally on one or the other or both of my Weebly or WordPress blogs which I deleted myself from those blogs and never replaced.
At one time, during the summer of 2010, I had written a description of how it happened that a lot of people in Hollywood, the media, corporations and finally not only the government of my own country but governments of other countries and also worldwide organizations started to try to bully me. I described how I had never intended or wanted to end up inside a circle of men, of any number, most if not all of whom had girlfriends. I described how, even though men with girlfriends pursued me and I told them "no," the pursuits of me by those men were portrayed as legitimate by many in the media and that the men weren't abused for those pursuits at all even while I got called horrible names.
It seems as if the first of what turned into a group of four men had broken up with his girlfriend in order to pursue me, which I didn't know even at the time when I first saw that he was interested in me and I suggested that he try again with her. Since I wasn't sure that I had done the right thing by saying that, I observed the situation for a while, through his many break-ups with her, until I understood beyond question that he and I WERE NOT AND ARE NOT COMPATIBLE and that it would never matter to me if he were single or dating someone because I was never going to be interested in him again.
As I've said many times before, but which people who are reading this blog for the first time or who read it for the first time since the summer ended might not know, I never tried to lure anyone out of a prior relationship. That was prefectly clear to all of those men immediately, because I said so and I stayed with that statement through everything that happened and that has happened since. I said some things that were flirty at the beginning, but everything I ever said that way was along the lines of "He's cute and talented." I DID NOT try to take anyone's boyfriend away, and in fact I strongly and repeatedly objected to the media frenzy that insisted on trying to set me up with any of those men or to portray me as being in competition with any of the girlfriends of those men.
If I did say a few flirty things in the beginning, it was because the people at whom I directed the comments seemed extremely far away from me and it didn't occur to me that they would leave or threaten to leave their girlfriends for me, whether seriously or jokingly. Because they were celebrities, it felt at first as if they were as far away as if they were simply pictures in magazines. It didn't seem more real to me than that.
When they did respond unexpectedly to what I said, and when the media built up a story about them being in competition with each other for my affections, I wasn't sure what was going on. At first I thought that the entire thing was just a joke, or a stunt, and that maybe the relationships that the men had with their girlfriends weren't real relationships. I was shocked when I understood that the people in the media who were trying to encourage the competition that they had created KNEW that all of those men were already in real relationships with other women and that the media DIDN'T CARE about those prior relationships or what those women were feeling at all.
In the middle of that melee, while still promoting competition with me as the trophy, there were people in the media who started using the BP oil spill as code for the idea that I was dirty and disgusting, a disaster of contamination. There were about 100 pages in this blog that I used to describe the seemingly endless days of media coverage of that story..."Day 92....Day 100," and so on.
The number of horrible, unfair, and disgusting things that have been said about me are uncountable at this point. What's more, the ENTIRE THING is a malicious lie. Even within the context of what I consider a bad and archaic way of thinking that seeks to stigmatize women for doing things that aren't half as bad as what men who don't get stigmatized do, I didn't do anything to deserve the way that my reputation has been abused.
What happened after I had said "no, no, no," to that first group of 4 men was that famous men of all kinds started to express their interest in me. They appeared on the cover of magazines that they knew I read, and the accompanying articles would reference innocent things I had said online that had nothing to do with them. They created movies or songs that were centered on dialogues that had happened online and/or that conspicuously included references to my overall situation. NO MATTER HOW I ADDRESSED any of the men in that barrage, whether I ignored them or vehemently rejected them, they all responded the same way; by seeking to abuse and ridicule me.
After a while, anyone who tried to be nice to or about me got abused by the people who were abusive to me.
Copyright L. Kochman April 19, 2011 @ 10:49 a.m.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
April 19, 2011 @ 2:38 p.m.
--Last week, the following poster appeared at the town library:
“Spring Break in the Children’s Room at the ----------------- Public Library:
Monday, April 18, 2011: Spring Bunny Bags
Tuesday, April 19, 2011: Salt Art
Wednesday, April 20, 2011: Movie and Popcorn “How To Train Your Dragon”
Thursday, April 21, 2011: Family Bingo with Small Prizes
Friday, April 22, 2011: Earth Day Mosaic Art
For a while it surprised me how many women are interested in sexualizing children. I don’t mean that to be a sexist statement. I had never thought about pedophilia much before this past year, and I think that, like a lot of people, the stereotype of a pedophile that I had in my mind without questioning it was of a man who kidnaps children in order to molest and rape them and possibly kill them.
After I had seen enough behavior by pedophilic women to understand that a lot more women than I realized are sexually interested in children, it occurred to me that maybe one reason that a lot of those women who seem otherwise nice and respectable have pedophilic tendencies is that they are extremely confused and frustrated about their inability to create healthy, fully adult sex lives for themselves.
If American society has historically condemned women for showing sexual interest in men in an honest and respectful way, if our society still wants women to manipulate men to show interest first, if our society has historically condemned women who have sought to make their own, independent decisions and to direct their own behavior regarding their love and sex lives, then perhaps a lot of married mothers are almost in the same situation as priests who couldn’t find outlets for their sexual energy and so turned to children as sex objects.
Here’s another poster that has appeared since Saturday afternoon, next to the poster about “Spring Break in the Children’s Room,” on the back door of the library, closest to the parking lot:
“Senior Day at the ------------Public Library:
Come hear what the crabby and irreverent Maxine has to say. She’s laugh-out-loud funny!
(time and date)
Free of charge
Light Refreshments to follow”
One thing I went through in Burlington was obnoxious behavior from people who seemed to be trying to use me to get publicity. I weigh that in my mind against how important I think it is to report their abuse.
I noticed a business earlier today which had a new sign out; on one side of the chalkboard it said “Ignore the Weather,” and some plug for what it sells, and then a little chalk picture of an umbrella. On the other side it was offering to sell something else and it said “Better than Prozac.”
I don’t take Prozac; I tried Paxil for a while in the hospital and that was an especially bad time for everyone I interacted with. Within a week, everything I did was going about 100 miles per hour in a way that I think most people would describe as impossible to cope with rather than exhilarating. My voicemail messages to people, always plentiful in the first place, multiplied. I had permission (really, it’s a patient right but it’s not put that way at all in practice) to read my chart 4 to 5 times per week, and one nurse after another wrote that I was talking extremely fast and in a pressured way during that time. I don’t know if anyone who wrote that kind of note in my chart ever connected the change in my behavior with the fact that I’d been taking Paxil; I didn’t see any notes that asked that question.
Finally, I stopped taking it. I didn’t meet any resistance about that; I don’t think there was any dispute that it wasn’t doing anything for me.
Yesterday, when I saw the “Maxine” poster for the first time, I also noticed that someone had put a book near the librarian’s station that said something like “David Little” or “David Small.”
As many times as I try to understand the motivation of women who support things that oppress them, I think that true understanding of those women continues to escape me.
Copyright L. Kochman April 19, 2011 @ 2:59 p.m.