June 18, 2011
--blog posts
The White House blog posts have usually been blocked from my being able to see them from this computer. It seems to be very easy to block this computer, and since I can't use the library in town anymore, and also am not supposed to be using the computer at the Department of Labor, my ability to follow what the White House is doing day to day has been much limited.
It's not as if I don't have an interest in things I wrote about before, but, in addition to feeling as if there are people who must be more educated than I am who would do a better job on those issues if they had the same people reading their blogs as I do, when I don't have access to the latest information, I don't know what I'd have to say that would be helpful.
I also have a lot to deal with day to day as it is.
@5:46 a.m.
--an ugly, unfair story
I'm going to use code, just for the number-name: 17
Yesterday morning, I did one Google search on the real name of 17. Another staffperson, who's on the board of directors for the shelter, was standing behind me reading the paper. I guess he must have turned around and looked over my shoulder at the computer screen He started saying "Wake Up!" and then before he went into another room he yelled it right in my ear "WAKE UP!"
About a half hour later, I was in the women's dorm, which is just a room with 3 bunkbeds. That room has windows that look out onto the porch and the street, so all of the residents who were on the porch or who were on the sidewalk who felt like looking past the shaded-in porch could probably see that I was in the room. Nobody was changing in that room, so there wasn't any reason to close the blinds on the windows.
I heard the staffperson/guy on board of directors/ minister start talking about a "Portuguese Man O War" and its "stinging tentacles."
I walked past him in a hallway a few minutes later, and seeing him again made me so angry that when I passed by the open front door of the house, I slammed it shut. That wasn't the greatest thing to do because that door is always locked and so it's always left a little bit open so that people can get back in from the outside.
The staffperson immediately raised his voice to me, and followed me, saying "Don't you shut doors that way around here." I told him to leave me alone. He followed me into the kitchen and, as I was getting cereal out, he continued to hassle me. I said "I heard you talking about a Portuguese Man O War," and he said "What are you talking about?"
I said "I'm going to go outside and eat my breakfast, and then I'm going to leave."
When I brought my bowl back into the kitchen to put it away, he had by then gotten out a large dictionary and he tried to stop me in the middle of the common area, in front of however many residents were around at the time, to show me something in it. I walked past him, and he again followed me into the kitchen. He held out the book to me and said "A Portuguese Man O War" is a jellyfish. That's all it is."
That celebrity responded to my writing this story by putting up things on his blog posts, which are still there, that say "Beware of sharks!" and then along the side of the page was picture of rings that said "Gilt" on it.
Google responded by putting up new blog posts saying things such as "stalking horse."
That's been the pattern for these people; I don't think that they can possibly feel all that guilty about abusing me or contributing to other people abusing me. I'm not the one who's out of proportion or being unreasonable; that is a total lie.
Nobody who doesn't have illegal access to tracking my Google searches or who didn't watch the whole situation develop last year can know how much less I interact with any of these people now than I did last year. I have been, for the most part, successfully detaching myself from the entertainment industry. As issues present themselves, I deal with them.
There's no excuse for expressing anything about the way you feel about someone by making references to his or her genitals; it's sexual harassment. That's been the point I've been trying to make for more than a year.
It was one Google search that I did on that celebrity's name yesterday; I could have been looking him up for any reason. Also, if I'm not mistaken, he was declaring his love for me a very short time ago, as in less than a week ago. I can look people up on the Internet; that doesn't make me a stalker any more than it makes anyone else a stalker. There are also people whom I Google because they seem like threats to me and I sometimes keep an eye on what they're doing.
There was no excuse for the way that I was treated by that staffperson here at the shelter yesterday, and there's no excuse for the way that the celebrity contributed to my safety being compromised by supporting the way that staffperson treated me. I DON'T HAVE A PLACE TO LIVE BESIDES THIS SHELTER, AND I'M WAITING TO HEAR BACK ABOUT WHETHER OR NOT I CAN GET AN EXTENSION TO STAY HERE UNTIL I COMPLETE A WORK AND JOB PLACEMENT PROGRAM WHOSE DIRECTOR IS OBVIOUSLY PLANNING TO ABUSE ME UNLESS I DECIDE TO LEAVE THAT PROGRAM. DOES THAT CELEBRITY UNDERSTAND THAT OR NOT?
This is what's been going on; women's lives, women's ability to function in a normal way, whether or not women get abused in ways that lead to them being homeless, which can lead to them dying, all of that is becoming something that these young celebrities see as not mattering. It's becoming normal for them to treat other people that way, even people whom they have said that they care about. The attitude is "You don't do what I say or what I want, even if it's not that big of a deal? Go on and get abused, go on and die! It's bad for my career to act as if you are a human being. Do what I say, or I'll call you a jellyfish just like that guy did; in fact, that's what I'll do first, so that I don't miss out on any movie deals or get hassled by the press."
As if I'm not getting hassled by the press all the time, no matter what; how many celebrities get hassled in person, by people on the street, by cars in the road? How many of the celebrities are broke and have nothing particularly fun or even mildly relaxing to do to get their minds off things?
I chose not to be hired by the entertainment industry last year because I didn't like what it was doing overall. I chose not to get involved in dating or much befriending any of these people for the same reason.
I have the right to decide where I do or don't want to work and whom I do or don't want to date, or get to know, or pay attention to, or do ONE Google search on the person's name. Nobody has the right to abuse me for any of those things.
I don't know if there really are people who think that I'm a celebrity-stalker and a fortune-hunter. If so, those people don't know much about what really happened. I'm a good writer, and I have a lot of other talents and abilities, and there is no way in which I need a celebrity friend or a celebrity boyfriend. I do, now, feel concerned about whether or not I'm going to be able to move on with my life, do normal things such as work and go back to school, and meet people and make friends with them without them all being stalked; that's more and more a concern for me.
As far as stalking goes; what do you call someone who never stops talking about someone else's vagina, or her own vagina, or vaginas in general, or genitals in general?
What do you call an Internet search engine that watches EVERYTHING I do online, 24 hours a day? All of them do that; probably the majority of corporations and a lot of governments do it, too. I already know that the U.S. government does that; I've asked before if there are White House staff who are on permanent 24-hour "Lena duty," and I didn't anything in response but confirmation from the way the blog posts looked after I wrote that, just from the fact that I could see them responding to what I'd written.
Copyright L. Kochman June 18, 2011 @ 6:27 a.m. (I'm adding a note here that says "no code" for the time that I finished writing this section this morning. I'm not going to do that forever, and I'm not going to take responsibility for doing it ALL the time, or for never missing a word or number that other people might interpret as code. I didn't invent code; "code" is the word I gave to describe how I saw celebrities, the media, the Internet and then the government communicating. I'm adding this note this morning because I didn't handle things as well as I could have at times over the past few months. When I feel I've done enough re-clarifying, I won't be adding notes like this one anymore. My policy for some time now has been to say "If there's code, I will say so, and if I don't say that there is, there isn't." I don't think that's a bad policy; it's taken me some time to figure out how to use it the right way, and the process of becoming reasonably consistent about it is not the easiest thing. @10:06 a.m. (no code)).
--blog posts
The White House blog posts have usually been blocked from my being able to see them from this computer. It seems to be very easy to block this computer, and since I can't use the library in town anymore, and also am not supposed to be using the computer at the Department of Labor, my ability to follow what the White House is doing day to day has been much limited.
It's not as if I don't have an interest in things I wrote about before, but, in addition to feeling as if there are people who must be more educated than I am who would do a better job on those issues if they had the same people reading their blogs as I do, when I don't have access to the latest information, I don't know what I'd have to say that would be helpful.
I also have a lot to deal with day to day as it is.
@5:46 a.m.
--an ugly, unfair story
I'm going to use code, just for the number-name: 17
Yesterday morning, I did one Google search on the real name of 17. Another staffperson, who's on the board of directors for the shelter, was standing behind me reading the paper. I guess he must have turned around and looked over my shoulder at the computer screen He started saying "Wake Up!" and then before he went into another room he yelled it right in my ear "WAKE UP!"
About a half hour later, I was in the women's dorm, which is just a room with 3 bunkbeds. That room has windows that look out onto the porch and the street, so all of the residents who were on the porch or who were on the sidewalk who felt like looking past the shaded-in porch could probably see that I was in the room. Nobody was changing in that room, so there wasn't any reason to close the blinds on the windows.
I heard the staffperson/guy on board of directors/ minister start talking about a "Portuguese Man O War" and its "stinging tentacles."
I walked past him in a hallway a few minutes later, and seeing him again made me so angry that when I passed by the open front door of the house, I slammed it shut. That wasn't the greatest thing to do because that door is always locked and so it's always left a little bit open so that people can get back in from the outside.
The staffperson immediately raised his voice to me, and followed me, saying "Don't you shut doors that way around here." I told him to leave me alone. He followed me into the kitchen and, as I was getting cereal out, he continued to hassle me. I said "I heard you talking about a Portuguese Man O War," and he said "What are you talking about?"
I said "I'm going to go outside and eat my breakfast, and then I'm going to leave."
When I brought my bowl back into the kitchen to put it away, he had by then gotten out a large dictionary and he tried to stop me in the middle of the common area, in front of however many residents were around at the time, to show me something in it. I walked past him, and he again followed me into the kitchen. He held out the book to me and said "A Portuguese Man O War" is a jellyfish. That's all it is."
That celebrity responded to my writing this story by putting up things on his blog posts, which are still there, that say "Beware of sharks!" and then along the side of the page was picture of rings that said "Gilt" on it.
Google responded by putting up new blog posts saying things such as "stalking horse."
That's been the pattern for these people; I don't think that they can possibly feel all that guilty about abusing me or contributing to other people abusing me. I'm not the one who's out of proportion or being unreasonable; that is a total lie.
Nobody who doesn't have illegal access to tracking my Google searches or who didn't watch the whole situation develop last year can know how much less I interact with any of these people now than I did last year. I have been, for the most part, successfully detaching myself from the entertainment industry. As issues present themselves, I deal with them.
There's no excuse for expressing anything about the way you feel about someone by making references to his or her genitals; it's sexual harassment. That's been the point I've been trying to make for more than a year.
It was one Google search that I did on that celebrity's name yesterday; I could have been looking him up for any reason. Also, if I'm not mistaken, he was declaring his love for me a very short time ago, as in less than a week ago. I can look people up on the Internet; that doesn't make me a stalker any more than it makes anyone else a stalker. There are also people whom I Google because they seem like threats to me and I sometimes keep an eye on what they're doing.
There was no excuse for the way that I was treated by that staffperson here at the shelter yesterday, and there's no excuse for the way that the celebrity contributed to my safety being compromised by supporting the way that staffperson treated me. I DON'T HAVE A PLACE TO LIVE BESIDES THIS SHELTER, AND I'M WAITING TO HEAR BACK ABOUT WHETHER OR NOT I CAN GET AN EXTENSION TO STAY HERE UNTIL I COMPLETE A WORK AND JOB PLACEMENT PROGRAM WHOSE DIRECTOR IS OBVIOUSLY PLANNING TO ABUSE ME UNLESS I DECIDE TO LEAVE THAT PROGRAM. DOES THAT CELEBRITY UNDERSTAND THAT OR NOT?
This is what's been going on; women's lives, women's ability to function in a normal way, whether or not women get abused in ways that lead to them being homeless, which can lead to them dying, all of that is becoming something that these young celebrities see as not mattering. It's becoming normal for them to treat other people that way, even people whom they have said that they care about. The attitude is "You don't do what I say or what I want, even if it's not that big of a deal? Go on and get abused, go on and die! It's bad for my career to act as if you are a human being. Do what I say, or I'll call you a jellyfish just like that guy did; in fact, that's what I'll do first, so that I don't miss out on any movie deals or get hassled by the press."
As if I'm not getting hassled by the press all the time, no matter what; how many celebrities get hassled in person, by people on the street, by cars in the road? How many of the celebrities are broke and have nothing particularly fun or even mildly relaxing to do to get their minds off things?
I chose not to be hired by the entertainment industry last year because I didn't like what it was doing overall. I chose not to get involved in dating or much befriending any of these people for the same reason.
I have the right to decide where I do or don't want to work and whom I do or don't want to date, or get to know, or pay attention to, or do ONE Google search on the person's name. Nobody has the right to abuse me for any of those things.
I don't know if there really are people who think that I'm a celebrity-stalker and a fortune-hunter. If so, those people don't know much about what really happened. I'm a good writer, and I have a lot of other talents and abilities, and there is no way in which I need a celebrity friend or a celebrity boyfriend. I do, now, feel concerned about whether or not I'm going to be able to move on with my life, do normal things such as work and go back to school, and meet people and make friends with them without them all being stalked; that's more and more a concern for me.
As far as stalking goes; what do you call someone who never stops talking about someone else's vagina, or her own vagina, or vaginas in general, or genitals in general?
What do you call an Internet search engine that watches EVERYTHING I do online, 24 hours a day? All of them do that; probably the majority of corporations and a lot of governments do it, too. I already know that the U.S. government does that; I've asked before if there are White House staff who are on permanent 24-hour "Lena duty," and I didn't anything in response but confirmation from the way the blog posts looked after I wrote that, just from the fact that I could see them responding to what I'd written.
Copyright L. Kochman June 18, 2011 @ 6:27 a.m. (I'm adding a note here that says "no code" for the time that I finished writing this section this morning. I'm not going to do that forever, and I'm not going to take responsibility for doing it ALL the time, or for never missing a word or number that other people might interpret as code. I didn't invent code; "code" is the word I gave to describe how I saw celebrities, the media, the Internet and then the government communicating. I'm adding this note this morning because I didn't handle things as well as I could have at times over the past few months. When I feel I've done enough re-clarifying, I won't be adding notes like this one anymore. My policy for some time now has been to say "If there's code, I will say so, and if I don't say that there is, there isn't." I don't think that's a bad policy; it's taken me some time to figure out how to use it the right way, and the process of becoming reasonably consistent about it is not the easiest thing. @10:06 a.m. (no code)).