June 19, 2011
--Where to begin
I don't even know where to begin apologizing. Most of the time, I've been trying to concentrate on taking notes on things I'm seeing or experiencing where I live or about the bigger picture.
I really need to apologize to anyone and everyone who must have thought that I didn't really care if people support pedophilia or not. I REALLY DO care; I don't want to be associated with people who promote it, or with people who promote any of the other issues.
When I have looked people up on the Internet, even over the past year when I had Internet access, I almost always have gone directly to whatever they were posting for that day or at that minute.
I had no idea how really involved 17 has been in promoting pedophilia; to get an ostensible half-hour, or even more than that, at the library when you want to cover a lot of things doesn't give you time to really look at what people are doing.
I looked more closely tonight, for the first time. I guess there must be a lot of celebrities whose blog posts, including and maybe especially the search results on their names that don't change day after day, are all completely infested with support for every issue I've been decrying.
To do one Google search on someone's name does NOT mean anything in particular. In fact, there are plenty of things in some of 17's other search results that would indicate that he still has feelings for me beyond friendship, and I've never looked at those in my life before tonight, either. I suppose those might change in the next few hours, so people who read this and look him up on the Internet then will have to take my word for it. People who are awake now and watching what I'm writing and what he's doing will know that I'm telling the truth.
You can also see the way he plays plenty of women at once, as that business encourages people to do except when it's calling me a slut while I'm trying to keep up with it all and make good decisions; there's nothing that I need to feel bad about in my own behavior, except my continuing tendency not to be thorough when I am still holding on to the idea that I can give people the benefit of a doubt.
The shelter staffperson's response to my making that one Google search the other day was inappropriate in every possible way; no matter what he meant by it, it was inappropriate. The way I was treated by the person who's running Vermont Works For Woman was completely inappropriate, too. She really went out of her way to bully me; she even called me at the shelter to do more of it, once she'd read my blog and what I'd written about it the first time I wrote about it. Maybe I didn't choose precisely the best way to talk about her behavior in some ways, but I was really angry about what she did. I anticipate that program being really miserable; it's very hard for me to imagine that I'll be able to sit through hour after hour of her behaving the way she's started off, and of other people in the class joining in. I really need to complete the prgoram and it's looking as if it's going to be yet another thing that gets ruined for me.
That program has nothing to do with the entertainment industry. It has nothing to do with anything except me trying to take care of myself. It's something I have the right, as a person and as a citizen of the United States, to get through without being discriminated against, in any way. The fact that it's a program that's specifically for women just makes the way I got treated more deplorable, and illustrates how dire the overall situation is, that even someone who runs a program for women has been badly influenced to abuse and bully women based on gender.
As far as what happened the other day, when I was given no privacy on the shelter's computer and then aggressively harassed by someone who's on the board of directors for the shelter; there's nothing illegal about doing a Google search on someone's name, you shouldn't be looking over people's shoulders, and one Google search on a person's name can mean any number of things. If the shelter staffperson hadn't made an issue of it, which I felt I needed to write about, I wouldn't have done or said much more than I have for a long time, if anything. He reacted, I recorded his reaction, and then 17 responded by attacking me, which stirred up all the feelings I've had for him over the past year, anyway, including all the negative ones. I'm not the one who made a bigger deal out of it than it needed to be.
I bet that I'll be getting attacked over the next few days, accused by a procession of the same people as usual, of all the same things, with an additional, married man thrown in. I've explained the one Google search I did on his name yesterday on my Polyvore blog, entitled "The Definition of Calm." That's my final explanation about that, which I never had to give in the first place, but which I gave because I've noticed how unstable Hollywood life is, and I finally realized over the past couple of weeks that the reason that these people accuse me of every kind of bad motive is that they are judging me based on what they know about themselves.
The big harassers will use the whole incident to attack women in general more, to push the agenda of making pedophilia legal, to kill the people in Iran, to withdraw support for freedom fighting everywhere, and any number of other horrible things. I, of course, will be blamed for everything by everyone.
At least in one way, I feel a lot freer; I feel as if I don't have any issues left to cover with any celebrities, nothing more to clarify, not much more to do about them except figure out what to do with what remains of my Polyvore blog.
Copyright L. Kochman June 19, 2011 @1:50 a.m. (it is; that's what time it is :) If only IQ's guaranteed more than...you know what it's like? I'm really always thinking about something. Especially during times when there's a lot of information that I'm taking in; it's not necessarily the information that gets overwhelming, depending on what it is. I don't have the energy, the physical energy, to record first to myself and then on the Internet all the things that occur to me that ought to be done with that information. Even during times which aren't overwhelming and stressful because of what's going on outside of my brain, I'm always thinking about something. It's very fun, though; having a lot of intelligence is fun.
I also want to mention to people who must have read some of what I wrote earlier and then deleted, about being a good writer; my grammar, spelling, and some of my writing and research habits as evidenced on the Internet aren't always what people should emulate if they want to be serious writers. I have good, formal writing skills, and I haven't always or even often used them in this blog or in other blogs. I've taken a much more conversational tone, because that's easier and faster, and because much of what I write doesn't demand more than that.
Also; I have an extra talent for writing, beyond having had a lot of practice with writing and having had good teachers for it. I didn't know I had that talent until I was in my early 30's. I knew I was a good writer, but I didn't know that I would, as an adult, be able to write entire, dramatic scenes for TV in a couple of hours apiece. I also hadn't been trying to discover more about my own intellectual abilities for a long time by then, because I was pathologized as being mentally ill at 18, and because the stigma for that is mostly the same stigma as is given to people who are not very smart. I had given up on finding out anything about myself or what I could do beyond hoping that I could someday go to graduate school in something and get a professional job, and I saw that as being a huge deal if I could do it. When I was in high school, I assumed I'd go to graduate school; THAT was the given, then.
It's interesting how people's perceptions of you can change your expectations for your entire life, if you let that happen.
I will make the following statement to try to be on the safe side, although my attempt is probably futile; it's as illegal to discriminate against and harass people based on them having been diagnosed with a mental illness as it is to discriminate against them and harass them based on their gender.
--The Price Chopper
I went into the Price Chopper yesterday and what did I see but employees of the store putting up a new display (no code; I'm not going to keep saying that) of Oreos near, although not in front of, the exit.
The point of everything I've said over the past year is that nobody should be getting discriminated against. I appreciate the attempt at support, if that's what it was, but if support was meant by it, I'll repeat what I said last summer.
All forms of oppression and discrimination are inextricable from each other. Support one, and you support them all.
@2:43 a.m.
--Other people whose bad behavior I've reported on my blog
I noticed the other day when I was at the Department of Labor that the woman I've mentioned before as being constantly out to get me got really yelled at by a different client there.
She was as out to get me as she always has been; however, I can't help thinking that this is an illustration of something else I've said before, which is that the overall situation of bullying and harassment being endorsed by the government and other powerful entities is as unfair to people who like to bully but who wouldn't if they weren't getting encouraged to do it as it is to the people who initially get bullied.
To seek, assiduously, to bring out the very worst in people, and in so doing to make everyday places such as schools, places where people go to find work, and other places that are supposed to be safe increasingly dangerous instead; that's another thing that the big harassers are accomplishing with their campaign. It's still so hard for me to understand it; how can they not realize what they're doing, or, if they do realize it, how can they keep doing it and feel anything but self-hatred?
@2:50 a.m.
--Cancellation of Polyvore blog/creation of another blog
I have canceled my Polyvore blog, although it may still be visible for a few days. I did that because I suddenly realized that I might have been showing support for companies that have endorsed the issues that I think are bad. I never researched the companies whose products I used in my sets; when I was paying close attention to those products, what I looked at was how they were presented on Polyvore.
I have created another blog, today, on WordPress. It's called "ireallyprotest."
I will still be using my Weebly blog. I've explained my reasoning for creating the WordPress blog on that blog.
Copyright L. Kochman June 19, 2011 @ 11:17 p.m. (no code, although I really need to stop writing "no code" on things, soon. I think my method of writing "code" where there's code and letting people assume that there isn't any code when I say that there isn't is the best way to handle the code issue.)
--Where to begin
I don't even know where to begin apologizing. Most of the time, I've been trying to concentrate on taking notes on things I'm seeing or experiencing where I live or about the bigger picture.
I really need to apologize to anyone and everyone who must have thought that I didn't really care if people support pedophilia or not. I REALLY DO care; I don't want to be associated with people who promote it, or with people who promote any of the other issues.
When I have looked people up on the Internet, even over the past year when I had Internet access, I almost always have gone directly to whatever they were posting for that day or at that minute.
I had no idea how really involved 17 has been in promoting pedophilia; to get an ostensible half-hour, or even more than that, at the library when you want to cover a lot of things doesn't give you time to really look at what people are doing.
I looked more closely tonight, for the first time. I guess there must be a lot of celebrities whose blog posts, including and maybe especially the search results on their names that don't change day after day, are all completely infested with support for every issue I've been decrying.
To do one Google search on someone's name does NOT mean anything in particular. In fact, there are plenty of things in some of 17's other search results that would indicate that he still has feelings for me beyond friendship, and I've never looked at those in my life before tonight, either. I suppose those might change in the next few hours, so people who read this and look him up on the Internet then will have to take my word for it. People who are awake now and watching what I'm writing and what he's doing will know that I'm telling the truth.
You can also see the way he plays plenty of women at once, as that business encourages people to do except when it's calling me a slut while I'm trying to keep up with it all and make good decisions; there's nothing that I need to feel bad about in my own behavior, except my continuing tendency not to be thorough when I am still holding on to the idea that I can give people the benefit of a doubt.
The shelter staffperson's response to my making that one Google search the other day was inappropriate in every possible way; no matter what he meant by it, it was inappropriate. The way I was treated by the person who's running Vermont Works For Woman was completely inappropriate, too. She really went out of her way to bully me; she even called me at the shelter to do more of it, once she'd read my blog and what I'd written about it the first time I wrote about it. Maybe I didn't choose precisely the best way to talk about her behavior in some ways, but I was really angry about what she did. I anticipate that program being really miserable; it's very hard for me to imagine that I'll be able to sit through hour after hour of her behaving the way she's started off, and of other people in the class joining in. I really need to complete the prgoram and it's looking as if it's going to be yet another thing that gets ruined for me.
That program has nothing to do with the entertainment industry. It has nothing to do with anything except me trying to take care of myself. It's something I have the right, as a person and as a citizen of the United States, to get through without being discriminated against, in any way. The fact that it's a program that's specifically for women just makes the way I got treated more deplorable, and illustrates how dire the overall situation is, that even someone who runs a program for women has been badly influenced to abuse and bully women based on gender.
As far as what happened the other day, when I was given no privacy on the shelter's computer and then aggressively harassed by someone who's on the board of directors for the shelter; there's nothing illegal about doing a Google search on someone's name, you shouldn't be looking over people's shoulders, and one Google search on a person's name can mean any number of things. If the shelter staffperson hadn't made an issue of it, which I felt I needed to write about, I wouldn't have done or said much more than I have for a long time, if anything. He reacted, I recorded his reaction, and then 17 responded by attacking me, which stirred up all the feelings I've had for him over the past year, anyway, including all the negative ones. I'm not the one who made a bigger deal out of it than it needed to be.
I bet that I'll be getting attacked over the next few days, accused by a procession of the same people as usual, of all the same things, with an additional, married man thrown in. I've explained the one Google search I did on his name yesterday on my Polyvore blog, entitled "The Definition of Calm." That's my final explanation about that, which I never had to give in the first place, but which I gave because I've noticed how unstable Hollywood life is, and I finally realized over the past couple of weeks that the reason that these people accuse me of every kind of bad motive is that they are judging me based on what they know about themselves.
The big harassers will use the whole incident to attack women in general more, to push the agenda of making pedophilia legal, to kill the people in Iran, to withdraw support for freedom fighting everywhere, and any number of other horrible things. I, of course, will be blamed for everything by everyone.
At least in one way, I feel a lot freer; I feel as if I don't have any issues left to cover with any celebrities, nothing more to clarify, not much more to do about them except figure out what to do with what remains of my Polyvore blog.
Copyright L. Kochman June 19, 2011 @1:50 a.m. (it is; that's what time it is :) If only IQ's guaranteed more than...you know what it's like? I'm really always thinking about something. Especially during times when there's a lot of information that I'm taking in; it's not necessarily the information that gets overwhelming, depending on what it is. I don't have the energy, the physical energy, to record first to myself and then on the Internet all the things that occur to me that ought to be done with that information. Even during times which aren't overwhelming and stressful because of what's going on outside of my brain, I'm always thinking about something. It's very fun, though; having a lot of intelligence is fun.
I also want to mention to people who must have read some of what I wrote earlier and then deleted, about being a good writer; my grammar, spelling, and some of my writing and research habits as evidenced on the Internet aren't always what people should emulate if they want to be serious writers. I have good, formal writing skills, and I haven't always or even often used them in this blog or in other blogs. I've taken a much more conversational tone, because that's easier and faster, and because much of what I write doesn't demand more than that.
Also; I have an extra talent for writing, beyond having had a lot of practice with writing and having had good teachers for it. I didn't know I had that talent until I was in my early 30's. I knew I was a good writer, but I didn't know that I would, as an adult, be able to write entire, dramatic scenes for TV in a couple of hours apiece. I also hadn't been trying to discover more about my own intellectual abilities for a long time by then, because I was pathologized as being mentally ill at 18, and because the stigma for that is mostly the same stigma as is given to people who are not very smart. I had given up on finding out anything about myself or what I could do beyond hoping that I could someday go to graduate school in something and get a professional job, and I saw that as being a huge deal if I could do it. When I was in high school, I assumed I'd go to graduate school; THAT was the given, then.
It's interesting how people's perceptions of you can change your expectations for your entire life, if you let that happen.
I will make the following statement to try to be on the safe side, although my attempt is probably futile; it's as illegal to discriminate against and harass people based on them having been diagnosed with a mental illness as it is to discriminate against them and harass them based on their gender.
--The Price Chopper
I went into the Price Chopper yesterday and what did I see but employees of the store putting up a new display (no code; I'm not going to keep saying that) of Oreos near, although not in front of, the exit.
The point of everything I've said over the past year is that nobody should be getting discriminated against. I appreciate the attempt at support, if that's what it was, but if support was meant by it, I'll repeat what I said last summer.
All forms of oppression and discrimination are inextricable from each other. Support one, and you support them all.
@2:43 a.m.
--Other people whose bad behavior I've reported on my blog
I noticed the other day when I was at the Department of Labor that the woman I've mentioned before as being constantly out to get me got really yelled at by a different client there.
She was as out to get me as she always has been; however, I can't help thinking that this is an illustration of something else I've said before, which is that the overall situation of bullying and harassment being endorsed by the government and other powerful entities is as unfair to people who like to bully but who wouldn't if they weren't getting encouraged to do it as it is to the people who initially get bullied.
To seek, assiduously, to bring out the very worst in people, and in so doing to make everyday places such as schools, places where people go to find work, and other places that are supposed to be safe increasingly dangerous instead; that's another thing that the big harassers are accomplishing with their campaign. It's still so hard for me to understand it; how can they not realize what they're doing, or, if they do realize it, how can they keep doing it and feel anything but self-hatred?
@2:50 a.m.
--Cancellation of Polyvore blog/creation of another blog
I have canceled my Polyvore blog, although it may still be visible for a few days. I did that because I suddenly realized that I might have been showing support for companies that have endorsed the issues that I think are bad. I never researched the companies whose products I used in my sets; when I was paying close attention to those products, what I looked at was how they were presented on Polyvore.
I have created another blog, today, on WordPress. It's called "ireallyprotest."
I will still be using my Weebly blog. I've explained my reasoning for creating the WordPress blog on that blog.
Copyright L. Kochman June 19, 2011 @ 11:17 p.m. (no code, although I really need to stop writing "no code" on things, soon. I think my method of writing "code" where there's code and letting people assume that there isn't any code when I say that there isn't is the best way to handle the code issue.)