March 30, 2011 @ 12:30 p.m.
There is no code intended in what I write on this page today.
I would appreciate it if everyone who reads here or who takes an interest, whether malign or benign, in my life would take as much care as possible to be respectful of the privacy of the other people who reside where I am now living. They didn't ask for me to be there.
A few weeks after I got to the Vermont State Hospital, I started reading my chart. I kept seeing one date in particular associated with faxes from the Howard Center in Burlington: 10/20/10. I finally looked through the records sent to VSH from the Howard Center and found that on 10/20/10, without my knowledge, my parents had gone to speak in person with Dr. Sandra Steingard, the medical director of the Howard Center. Here's what Dr. Steingard's report of that visit said:
Howard Center--Physician's Progress Note
# -- 017839-01
Activity -- note to chart
Date -- 10/20/10
Page 1) I met with this patient's parents to discuss her current symptoms and to answer some questions regarding treatment options. I have not treated this patient since 2005 but I did not have permission to discuss her care with them and I told them I was still bound by confidentiality.
Page 2) Patient lives with her parents. She currently exhibits many symptoms of psychosis. She believes that she gets messages from newspapers that are written in code. She has the belief that her ideas were stolen and used in the TV show "Friday Night Lights." She is at times extremely aggressive towards her parents although she has not assaulted them. She has called many of their friends and told them that her parents are abusing her. She has also had visits from the police due to her excessive and hostile phone calls to others. She had a no trespass order for Colchester High School after she had called repeatedly to complain about their curriculum. Mother was also Approached by a local newspaper reported who said she had gotten calls from her home phone number and a woman has told her "I will ruin you."
Page 3) Patient had been in treatment with a psychologist who stopped treatment because the patient would not accept that she was psychotic. The patient is extremely hostile to her parents if they broach the subject of treatment. Parents are divided on the subject of involuntary treatment. Father will not consider applying for guardianship. Both parents have parents who committed suicide and this has an influence on their attitude towards their child and her treatment bit it seems to have impacted on the in different ways.
Page 4) We discussed treatment options. I suggested that when the patient is extremely agitated that they cal crisis for an outreach. I also suggested that begin a conversation with their daughter about acceptable behavior in their home.
Page 5) I am writing this note to alert other clinicians as to the current status in the event that we have contact with her in the future.
sig: Sandra Steingard, MD # 3631
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
March 30, 2011
I've left the typos as they were printed in the typed copy of Dr. Steingard's report that had been faxed over to VSH.
I don't know how much more time I have on this computer; somewhere between another few minutes and a half hour.
The only thing in all of the above that I had ever talked to my parents about AT ALL was the show Friday Night Lights. I had only talked to them about it once, about 3 years ago. I had given them some of my scripts to read, and then I'd taken the scripts back and we'd never discussed it.
Everything else that my parents told Dr. Steingard was information that they got from my blog and also from the fact that Judy Kearns, who runs the South Burlington Community Newspaper called "The Other Paper," had been the woman to approach my mother about a message I had left Ms. Kearns. I only called Ms. Kearns a couple of times, and one time was to tell her "If you keep abusing those children and teenagers in the newspaper, I will call their parents and I will ruin you." I meant I'd ruin her reputation; perhaps the language I used was intemperate.
I couldn't understand why, for about 3 months before I ended up at the hospital, my parents had filled up the house with fish and cheese. I didn't understand why my mother kept buying things that said "Fresh" or "Nuts" on them and leaving them around. I didn't understand why my father would stand in the middle of the house and yell "Whitefish salad" or "Splash!"
I don't think I became particularly aggressive toward my parents throughout those months. A few times before November 21, 2010, I got upset and said "Why are you doing this?" Every time I asked them that, they denied having any idea what I was talking about. They would say "What do you mean? Be more specific."
When I got to the hospital and read my chart, I realized that my parents had been trying to upset me on purpose, and that when they had responded to my questions about why they were doing what they were doing, what they most likely had been trying to do was to get me to say something such as "You're filling up the house with fish and cheese and making constant vagina references toward me." They were probably also trying to get me to talk to them about my blog; they were trying to get me to talk about what was going on so that they could go to Dr. Steingard, tell her that I was saying things that proved that I was psychotic, and to try to get her to get me committed.
There are a lot of things that I could say about Dr. Steingard's report; I need to limit myself because I don't have a lot of time left to be on the Internet today.
I wouldn't say that the show Friday Night Lights stole ideas from the scripts that I sent them. I had said from the beginning that the show could use my ideas. I did at one point write a letter stipulating that the ideas that I had written for the show were only to be used for the show Friday Night Lights in what I then termed "its present incarnation."
I do think that there have been times when somebody or several somebodies who make(s) decisions about the show wanted to take all of the credit for my ideas and wanted to falsely minimize the extent to which I had contributed not only to the show, but to the increased popularity and attention that the show received after I got involved. If you can go back to the viewer comments about the show during the fall of 2007, you will see that viewers DID NOT LIKE the direction that the show took with the story of Landry killing Tyra's attacker, and you will also see that viewers responded both positively and immediately to the very first episode in which my ideas got used and for which I had attempted to depict Landry struggling, morally, with what he had done and trying to take responsibility for it.
It also seems to me that there have been times that the show has tried to be supportive toward me and to bury the hatchet, and I didn't respond kindly to that, and that was probably wrong of me.
I have more to say about these issues. I also feel I have some editing to do in this blog, but I probably can't get to it today.
L. Kochman March 30, 2011 @ 1:27 p.m.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
March 31, 2011 @ 10:53 a.m.
I probably won't be able to finish everything that I need to say about Dr. Steingard's report and the events leading to and from it today.
Before I start discussing that report, I need to say that I was looking for work and had had what seemed to me to be a strong lead on a good job in the weeks before I ended up at the Vermont State Hospital. There was absolutely no reason for my parents to try to get me committed to mental health treatment; I was doing everything I was supposed to do to be responsible for myself, and I certainly never gave them a rougher or even as rough a time as they gave me on a regular basis throughout most of my life. I tried A LOT to get along with them, and any time I had any money at all while I was staying with them for the past couple of years, I would give them cash to cover some of the expense of my living with them. That was true regardless of whether I was working or collecting $110 a week in unemployment benefits; I always gave my mother cash, would fill her car with gas if I had been using it, did chores, covered the expenses of my pet.....there's no excuse for what they did.
Questions and Comments:
1) Why did Dr. Steingard start her report by saying that she was bound by confidentiality and couldn't discuss me with my parents, and then describe in several more pages what must have been a lengthy discussion that she had with my parents about me on 10/20/10? The fact that my parents had gone to talk to her on that day was completely unknown to me until I got to VSH a month later and saw the report in my chart at VSH.
2) I did NOT make either excessive or hostile phone calls to Colchester High School, and I certainly never called that school or any other school in order to "complain about their curriculum," as my parents must have deceitfully told Dr. Steingard. Hopefully tomorrow I will be able to go back through my blog and find the page that has pictures of what the Colchester community newspaper, the Colchester Sun, did shortly after the South Burlington police delivered the "Do Not Trespass" order to me on behalf not only of Colchester High School but of the entire Colchester school district. The Colchester Sun had a special section devoted to Colchester student athletes, surrounded by the kinds of advertising making sexual insinuations to which I have objected.
3) During the 3 month time that my parents were trying to either provoke me into behavior that would give them, in their minds, and excuse to get me arrested or trying to get me to make verbal statements to them that they hoped they could report to Dr. Steingard in order to get me committed, involuntarily medicated, and most likely placed under the guardianship of my father, my parents never once "broached the subject of treatment." I wonder if they couldn't quite bring themselves to lie to me enough to say "You're not making sense; have you thought about getting some help?" although undoubtedly they would have said that if they'd ever been able to get me to make a direct statement about what they were doing.
Time's up on the computer.
Copyright L. Kochman
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
March 31, 2011 @ 3:56 p.m.
I was luckier today and got a more reasonable response to my question of "Since there are a lot of empty computers around, could I please use one?"
I've never had tequila. I imagine that most anything is better when it's not attached to sexism or to what I consider the wrong side of other political issues.
My parents can be good storytellers. One story that they told me a few times was about a cat my family had since before I was a baby. My mother had named her "Ms.," in honor of what was a somewhat recent social development at the time that she got the cat.
According to the story, I did what most babies do when confronted with soft-seeming animals that look almost the same as stuffed animals except a lot more interesting because they can move around by themselves; I pulled her tail and gave her a lot of reasons to dislike me. However, she seemed to understand that I was new at everything, and for a while she tolerated my abuse as if I were a particularly large kitten of hers.
One day, she decided I was old enough to know better. She cuffed me, and although I was shocked and displeased, I got the message.
On sort've another topic; it's accurate that at times in my life there have been people who would say that giving others space is a final frontier for me that I needed to brave as boldly as possible. I think I should continue with my plan to be bold on that score.
And on another topic altogether; for the most part I'm pleased with the essay I wrote this morning and have just erased. Closure is underrated.
Copyright L. Kochman @ 4:16 p.m. March 31, 2011
There is no code intended in what I write on this page today.
I would appreciate it if everyone who reads here or who takes an interest, whether malign or benign, in my life would take as much care as possible to be respectful of the privacy of the other people who reside where I am now living. They didn't ask for me to be there.
A few weeks after I got to the Vermont State Hospital, I started reading my chart. I kept seeing one date in particular associated with faxes from the Howard Center in Burlington: 10/20/10. I finally looked through the records sent to VSH from the Howard Center and found that on 10/20/10, without my knowledge, my parents had gone to speak in person with Dr. Sandra Steingard, the medical director of the Howard Center. Here's what Dr. Steingard's report of that visit said:
Howard Center--Physician's Progress Note
# -- 017839-01
Activity -- note to chart
Date -- 10/20/10
Page 1) I met with this patient's parents to discuss her current symptoms and to answer some questions regarding treatment options. I have not treated this patient since 2005 but I did not have permission to discuss her care with them and I told them I was still bound by confidentiality.
Page 2) Patient lives with her parents. She currently exhibits many symptoms of psychosis. She believes that she gets messages from newspapers that are written in code. She has the belief that her ideas were stolen and used in the TV show "Friday Night Lights." She is at times extremely aggressive towards her parents although she has not assaulted them. She has called many of their friends and told them that her parents are abusing her. She has also had visits from the police due to her excessive and hostile phone calls to others. She had a no trespass order for Colchester High School after she had called repeatedly to complain about their curriculum. Mother was also Approached by a local newspaper reported who said she had gotten calls from her home phone number and a woman has told her "I will ruin you."
Page 3) Patient had been in treatment with a psychologist who stopped treatment because the patient would not accept that she was psychotic. The patient is extremely hostile to her parents if they broach the subject of treatment. Parents are divided on the subject of involuntary treatment. Father will not consider applying for guardianship. Both parents have parents who committed suicide and this has an influence on their attitude towards their child and her treatment bit it seems to have impacted on the in different ways.
Page 4) We discussed treatment options. I suggested that when the patient is extremely agitated that they cal crisis for an outreach. I also suggested that begin a conversation with their daughter about acceptable behavior in their home.
Page 5) I am writing this note to alert other clinicians as to the current status in the event that we have contact with her in the future.
sig: Sandra Steingard, MD # 3631
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
March 30, 2011
I've left the typos as they were printed in the typed copy of Dr. Steingard's report that had been faxed over to VSH.
I don't know how much more time I have on this computer; somewhere between another few minutes and a half hour.
The only thing in all of the above that I had ever talked to my parents about AT ALL was the show Friday Night Lights. I had only talked to them about it once, about 3 years ago. I had given them some of my scripts to read, and then I'd taken the scripts back and we'd never discussed it.
Everything else that my parents told Dr. Steingard was information that they got from my blog and also from the fact that Judy Kearns, who runs the South Burlington Community Newspaper called "The Other Paper," had been the woman to approach my mother about a message I had left Ms. Kearns. I only called Ms. Kearns a couple of times, and one time was to tell her "If you keep abusing those children and teenagers in the newspaper, I will call their parents and I will ruin you." I meant I'd ruin her reputation; perhaps the language I used was intemperate.
I couldn't understand why, for about 3 months before I ended up at the hospital, my parents had filled up the house with fish and cheese. I didn't understand why my mother kept buying things that said "Fresh" or "Nuts" on them and leaving them around. I didn't understand why my father would stand in the middle of the house and yell "Whitefish salad" or "Splash!"
I don't think I became particularly aggressive toward my parents throughout those months. A few times before November 21, 2010, I got upset and said "Why are you doing this?" Every time I asked them that, they denied having any idea what I was talking about. They would say "What do you mean? Be more specific."
When I got to the hospital and read my chart, I realized that my parents had been trying to upset me on purpose, and that when they had responded to my questions about why they were doing what they were doing, what they most likely had been trying to do was to get me to say something such as "You're filling up the house with fish and cheese and making constant vagina references toward me." They were probably also trying to get me to talk to them about my blog; they were trying to get me to talk about what was going on so that they could go to Dr. Steingard, tell her that I was saying things that proved that I was psychotic, and to try to get her to get me committed.
There are a lot of things that I could say about Dr. Steingard's report; I need to limit myself because I don't have a lot of time left to be on the Internet today.
I wouldn't say that the show Friday Night Lights stole ideas from the scripts that I sent them. I had said from the beginning that the show could use my ideas. I did at one point write a letter stipulating that the ideas that I had written for the show were only to be used for the show Friday Night Lights in what I then termed "its present incarnation."
I do think that there have been times when somebody or several somebodies who make(s) decisions about the show wanted to take all of the credit for my ideas and wanted to falsely minimize the extent to which I had contributed not only to the show, but to the increased popularity and attention that the show received after I got involved. If you can go back to the viewer comments about the show during the fall of 2007, you will see that viewers DID NOT LIKE the direction that the show took with the story of Landry killing Tyra's attacker, and you will also see that viewers responded both positively and immediately to the very first episode in which my ideas got used and for which I had attempted to depict Landry struggling, morally, with what he had done and trying to take responsibility for it.
It also seems to me that there have been times that the show has tried to be supportive toward me and to bury the hatchet, and I didn't respond kindly to that, and that was probably wrong of me.
I have more to say about these issues. I also feel I have some editing to do in this blog, but I probably can't get to it today.
L. Kochman March 30, 2011 @ 1:27 p.m.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
March 31, 2011 @ 10:53 a.m.
I probably won't be able to finish everything that I need to say about Dr. Steingard's report and the events leading to and from it today.
Before I start discussing that report, I need to say that I was looking for work and had had what seemed to me to be a strong lead on a good job in the weeks before I ended up at the Vermont State Hospital. There was absolutely no reason for my parents to try to get me committed to mental health treatment; I was doing everything I was supposed to do to be responsible for myself, and I certainly never gave them a rougher or even as rough a time as they gave me on a regular basis throughout most of my life. I tried A LOT to get along with them, and any time I had any money at all while I was staying with them for the past couple of years, I would give them cash to cover some of the expense of my living with them. That was true regardless of whether I was working or collecting $110 a week in unemployment benefits; I always gave my mother cash, would fill her car with gas if I had been using it, did chores, covered the expenses of my pet.....there's no excuse for what they did.
Questions and Comments:
1) Why did Dr. Steingard start her report by saying that she was bound by confidentiality and couldn't discuss me with my parents, and then describe in several more pages what must have been a lengthy discussion that she had with my parents about me on 10/20/10? The fact that my parents had gone to talk to her on that day was completely unknown to me until I got to VSH a month later and saw the report in my chart at VSH.
2) I did NOT make either excessive or hostile phone calls to Colchester High School, and I certainly never called that school or any other school in order to "complain about their curriculum," as my parents must have deceitfully told Dr. Steingard. Hopefully tomorrow I will be able to go back through my blog and find the page that has pictures of what the Colchester community newspaper, the Colchester Sun, did shortly after the South Burlington police delivered the "Do Not Trespass" order to me on behalf not only of Colchester High School but of the entire Colchester school district. The Colchester Sun had a special section devoted to Colchester student athletes, surrounded by the kinds of advertising making sexual insinuations to which I have objected.
3) During the 3 month time that my parents were trying to either provoke me into behavior that would give them, in their minds, and excuse to get me arrested or trying to get me to make verbal statements to them that they hoped they could report to Dr. Steingard in order to get me committed, involuntarily medicated, and most likely placed under the guardianship of my father, my parents never once "broached the subject of treatment." I wonder if they couldn't quite bring themselves to lie to me enough to say "You're not making sense; have you thought about getting some help?" although undoubtedly they would have said that if they'd ever been able to get me to make a direct statement about what they were doing.
Time's up on the computer.
Copyright L. Kochman
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
March 31, 2011 @ 3:56 p.m.
I was luckier today and got a more reasonable response to my question of "Since there are a lot of empty computers around, could I please use one?"
I've never had tequila. I imagine that most anything is better when it's not attached to sexism or to what I consider the wrong side of other political issues.
My parents can be good storytellers. One story that they told me a few times was about a cat my family had since before I was a baby. My mother had named her "Ms.," in honor of what was a somewhat recent social development at the time that she got the cat.
According to the story, I did what most babies do when confronted with soft-seeming animals that look almost the same as stuffed animals except a lot more interesting because they can move around by themselves; I pulled her tail and gave her a lot of reasons to dislike me. However, she seemed to understand that I was new at everything, and for a while she tolerated my abuse as if I were a particularly large kitten of hers.
One day, she decided I was old enough to know better. She cuffed me, and although I was shocked and displeased, I got the message.
On sort've another topic; it's accurate that at times in my life there have been people who would say that giving others space is a final frontier for me that I needed to brave as boldly as possible. I think I should continue with my plan to be bold on that score.
And on another topic altogether; for the most part I'm pleased with the essay I wrote this morning and have just erased. Closure is underrated.
Copyright L. Kochman @ 4:16 p.m. March 31, 2011