I think it's about time for me to stop writing "There is no code intended by me here" at the top of the page of things I write or create. I'll write this message a few more times, and then, when I've stopped writing it, people can assume that there's no code in anything I say or do unless I say that there is.
May 24, 2011
--Changes at the shelter
I organized quite a few things to write on what I was going to call "May 23, 2011, Part 2" yesterday, but then last night I found out that the management of the shelter disabled the computer so that residents have to ask a staffperson to log them on. Residents also have to prove that they're using the shelter's Internet for work or housing searches.
I can understand that that rule probably would have been implemented eventually, because a lot of people who end up in shelters have drug problems and/or criminal pasts or presents, and it would just be too easy to use the shelter's Internet for those purposes if no limits were set. However, I think that fear about the political situation much hastened the implementation of that rule as of yesterday.
I can't use the shelter's Internet for my blogs anymore. I also don't think that I can go back to the library in the town where I live, because the staff there harassed me just more and more until I couldn't take it anymore, as I've documented, and they REALLY ARE SO involved in terrible things. Pedophilia and the degradation and abuse of women ARE TERRIBLE, and any healthy, normal person is going to be upset by people who support those things. It's disgusting, what that library did.
Now I have to walk 3 hours to get to this library, where they leave me in peace; except for last week when they thought I was supporting pedophilia, and now, when for whatever reason they've got red tape all over the front door to the usual bathroom, with signs on it saying "Stay Out!" and "Bathroom Temporarily Out of Service!"
There's also a sign on the outside of the bathroom door that says "You can use the bathroom downstairs." I went downstairs to find a very distressed-looking woman waiting in line.
When I went back upstairs, I asked the first librarian I saw what had happened to the restroom. She said "It was leaking all over the floor so that you could hear it downstairs." I asked her when it would be fixed and she said "I don't know; they're working on it today." I told her that I hoped it would be fixed soon, for the sake of everyone else who wants to be in the library. Then she let me into another bathroom, not the OBVIOUSLY WORKING BATHROOM THAT HAS RED TAPE ALL OVER IT AND WHOEVER DID THAT TO THE BATHROOM COULDN'T BE MORE AWFUL! YOU COULDN'T BE MORE AWFUL! bathroom, and not the one downstairs.
There are also books that the librarians have put on display; more ships and so on. That kind of thing was there before anybody thought I might be endorsing pedophilia, which I have never done and I will never do; if it's really anything more than cruelty, sexism, and jealousy, I'd like to know what it is.
--I could have been arrested today
It's terrible how many people will just stand there and say "I don't know what you're talking about" when you confront them about things like what I just described. At times over the past few weeks, I've tried to go into stores that have signs in their windows or on the sidewalk in front of their stores that say things like "Keep It Clean" or pictures of boats or references to other situations. Often, I've been successful in persuading people in those businesses that I don't deserve it, but not today.
Today, I went into a few businesses in a row that had things like that out on their lawns or in their windows, and I wasn't my usual reasonable, friendly self about it. I went in, blistering, saying "I'm NOT dirty or bad, and I've never done ANYTHING to you or to anybody else in this town."
I don't have any money for a bus pass, not even one way for one day, and there are no programs that give them out that I'm aware of so far, although I've asked. It's dangerous for me to walk from the town I'm living in to this town; so far, in the past week, it's been one day after another of men slowing down to stop their cars next to me or in front of where I'm going to be if I keep walking in the direction I'm going, or yelling at me out of their windows. Somebody recently donated 4 boxes of Cheese Nips to the shelter; I don't think that the shelter is a safe place for me to be. I don't think that the management should be encouraging me to be harassed there. There are a lot of men there, and I don't think that they or anybody else should be getting encouraged to treat me like this. I'm not leaving, because what needs to happen is that the big harassers, the government and everybody else, need to stop doing what they're doing and stop encouraging people like the shelter management to let me be abused, but it's a bad situation there, and has been for a while.
I think that all of the signs, all of the commercials, all of the news stories, all of the blog posts; all of that is contributing to something that's going to end in one of two ways, or both. Either, like today, I'm going to confront people who have those kinds of signs on their sidewalks and "Wet Floor" signs on their completely dry floors and I will be too upset to confront them successfully and then they'll call the police AFTER THEIR DELIBERATE ANTAGONISM THAT THEY LIED TO MY FACE ABOUT WORKED, and then I'll get arrested, which is what happened today except that I didn't get arrested, or somebody will assault me and kill me.
The places today were, if I recall correctly:
--A car place that had a sign out front that said "Keep it clean." I went in and said what I had to say; then I kicked over the cone that they had holding their door open.
--A Mobil station that had the "Engines Adore Clean" and similar banners all over the lot, in addition to tons of harassment in their windows. I went in and saw their "Caution: Wet Floor", yellow sign on their completely dry floor where no customer who goes to the cash register can miss it. I told the manager "I'm not dirty or bad, and I've never done anything to you or anybody else here." Then I left, without knocking anything over. That was the only place that told the police to give me a "No Trespass Order," even though all I did was say what was on my mind. I didn't even raise my voice.
--A Burger King that has the "100% Flame-Broiled Whopper" sign out front; a huge banner. I'll tell you what, they also have a cardboard sign on their counter near the register advertising for "Peak" iced tea; that IS A PLACE WHERE PEOPLE BRING THEIR KIDS! It's obviously a reference to what I had originally written in my essay trying to imagine how anyone could be a pedophile, when I said "children are growing toward, rather than away from, their peak years of physical beauty." Days ago, I changed some of that essay, because I knew I was going to try to write an essay about "peak oil" and I didn't need the headache of what all of the harassing, pedophilic blog posts and ads would look like after that, but obviously I made the change a bit late.
Burger King also had unnecessary signs about bacon and cheese on the counter, but I kept calm if not friendly until I was almost out the door. The "Shake Up Your Wake Up" sign that was taped to the inside of the door was too much for me and I ripped it off the door before I walked out.
--KFC: The big sign in their window is advertising $5 meals," and you can see FROM OUTSIDE the big drink machine sign that says "QUENCH YOUR THIRST." There was also a large, yellow, "Wet Floor" cone on the completely dry floor of the lobby. There was nobody at all behind the counter, so I picked up the cone and put it on the floor on the other side of the counter. Then I saw some people in the side room, and asked to speak to the manager. I said "I'm not dirty or bad, and I've never done anything to you." Then I left.
All of those places are in short walking distance, one to the next.
Within a few minutes, 2 police sedans and a police SUV and pulled up along the side of the road or parked near me. Every business I'd confronted about its behavior had called the police. Before I'd walked out, and before they'd called the police, every person in every business whom I'd confronted had said "I don't know what you're talking about."
I refused to say anything to the police about what happened; I said "I don't mean to be disrespectful, but I don't have anything to say."
It all worked out as well as it could; apparently, the people in those businesses couldn't bring themselves to really, truly lie, and I only got one "Do Not Trespass" notice. They couldn't really have lied, anyway; the police all know what's going on. When one of the police officers relayed my name back to the station, he spelled it out "K as in King, O as in Ocean, C as in Charles..." and so on.
If the big harassers don't stop, if the government and the media and the corporations and the celebrities don't stop, I'm either going to get arrested or I'm going to get assaulted. I could even get assaulted more than once before someone finally kills me.
I need everyone who doesn't understand that that is what's going to happen IF THEY DON"T STOP what they're doing that that's what's going to happen. No other outcome is possible; it's not possible.
I don't want to be a martyr. I want to go on with my life. The reason that what's happened is discrimination is that it's prevented me from having a normal life, and that prevention has been based on my gender.
There's an essay that I wrote that hopefully I will get to putting here today, and some of that will sound like a repeat of this; as I've said, many times, the slurs don't hurt my feelings because I know that even if the slurs were true, which they're not, only ignorance or corruption causes people to make those kinds of slurs toward other people. If you are too afraid not to make those slurs because powerful people are doing it and you're scared of what they'll do to you if you refuse to participate, that's also a form of corruption.
@ 5:42 p.m./additions @ 5:48 p.m./ additions/edits @ 6:05 p.m.
--From the end of May 23, 2011
To continue my discussion from the end of the last page; shouldn't we be conserving the amount of oil that's left in the world? Shouldn't we be trying out large-scale sources of sustainable energy, so that we can start learning what that's going to be like? Won't we probably have a lot of troubleshooting to do with sustainable energy once it replaces fossil fuels, and won't we have to go through that troubleshooting process no matter when we make that replacement and start relying entirely on sustainable energy?
Why should we spend the next few decades using up the last of our fossil fuels and then try to rely on sustainable energy with no back-up, emergency energy source for the inevitable things that will go wrong, especially in the beginning when we're getting used to it?
--Essay about some mistakes, misunderstandings, and the probable future if things don't change
No matter how many mistakes I make in my communication about various issues, the end result is always going to be my not getting willingly involved with people and situations that I think are bad. One of the reasons that I make mistakes is that the issues are so terrible and so large in ways that I've never seen before that sometimes I don't know what to do.
In addition to setbacks to the causes that occur when I make mistakes, there's the possibility of people being disappointed when they get involved with bad things while they're thinking that I'll be ok with it someday, and then they find that I'm not.
As far as the causes themselves go, I don't know how effective I can always be right now, or for the foreseeable future. Summer means that more people are outdoors, and that they have more energy to cause trouble when they're indoors; the summer's going to be a lot worse for my getting harassed in person than March, April and May were, although March, April and May have been bad, and that has affected me.
I've been wondering lately if I really am going to get killed. Even when you know how real a possibility it is, it's hard to believe it on an emotional level. Anne Frank said that, didn't she? She wrote "I still believe that people are good at heart."
It still isn't the opinion of people whom I consider unreasonable that gets to me; the presence of evil isn't nearly so difficult to withstand as is the absence of goodness.
I'm going to say this, too:
Of the extra abuse I've had over the past few weeks; I don't think that I saw the people who have stepped up their abuse of me doing much in particular to support the positive issues that I supported. No, if they think that they have some extra justification for abusing me now, I wonder why they think that? They just expect me to handle all of the horrible things that have happened by myself, do they? I'm supposed to get rid of all the pedophiles in Vermont by myself, I'm just supposed to be able to emotionally handle everything that's happened, I'm supposed to be able to handle all of the abuse I've already taken EVERY DAY for what's going to be in sum total 2 years this fall, and I'm never supposed to make errors, and I'm never supposed to want anything for myself, and I'm supposed to be some kind of superhuman saint? Right? And if I fail at that, you just heap on your abuse and go on with your day, and lie about it to my face when I show up and ask you why you're doing it.
How anyone can look at this situation and not be horrified by the sheer number of people who are perpetrating this abuse, which does affect women in general but is directed at me specifically, and I'm one person; that's something it's difficult for me to understand. Why don't you think it's unfair?
All of the people who are learning these previously unheard-of, terrible ways to treat others; because of their behavior, countless opportunities for good interactions have been lost, and will continue to be lost. Those people are far more degraded by their own behavior than I am, but I miss getting along with all kinds of people. That was an accomplishment of adulthood that I enjoyed, and that has been significantly hampered by people trying to say things about my vagina whenever they see me. Just stop talking about my vagina all the time; it's still harassment, even if you think you're trying to be nice. My vagina is not an appropriate subject for discussion under most circumstances, but it's especially inappropriate when I say that it is. You can't just walk up to people and talk to them about their genitals, or make jokes about it all the time, or make jokes to other people around you that you want the object of your harassment to hear. The fact that the President says it's a good thing to do doesn't mean that it's a good thing to do; he's a bad President, and he is doing an evil thing.
I don't get angry because President Obama and his supporters are more powerful than I am. I get angry because what they're doing is terrible. Sometimes it's still difficult for me to believe that it's happening.
I still don't think that it's the majority of people in this town or the next who are in support of the abuse. For 20% of them to be in support of it is enough to make me as uncomfortable as I've been. They are also still, by and large, obviously ignorant or corrupt people who are in favor of the abuse, and not people of obvious education or with strongly defined, solid personal and professional values that they demonstrate in other ways outside of their abusive behavior.
Of the people who have some education who are part of the abuse; they have tended to be very provincial. Living in towns this size will make you that way if you stay here long enough.
@ 6:40 p.m.//Additions @ 6:51 p.m.
--A guy followed me from place to place on Sunday/you commit the crime and the people who told you to do it get away
A guy followed me from place to place on Sunday. That was scary. I finally got a ride back into the center of town from a woman whose house was the first house I got to that had just the screen door closed.
If I do get attacked, raped or killed, those are still crimes that will have to be prosecuted, regardless of the political situation. It's not fair to me for anyone in government, the media, or anywhere else to encourage people to commit those crimes, but it's also not fair to the people who are encouraged to do it. Why should their lives get ruined because they were encouraged to do bad things by those in society whose job it is to encourage civilization rather than the destruction of civilization?
--A decision for my case was postponed/ Is the government waiting to see if it can find an opportune time to prosecute me?
I had a hearing on May 12, 2011. I didn't need to go to it, and don't know how I would have gotten there if I had had to go to it. A few days after the May 12 hearing, I learned that the decision about the case had been postponed and that another hearing was scheduled for June 13, 2011. Some of the things I've seen in the past few weeks, before today, on President Obama's blog posts and on the front page of the Burlington Free Press make me wonder if what's happening is that there are those in Vermont state and in the federal government who are waiting to see if there's going to be a politically opportune time to prosecute me and put me in jail for what happened in November, 2010.
@ 6:58 p.m.
--Issues at the shelter/corrupt police
There were issues at the shelter the other night. I went to the police station and saw that the entire bulletin board in the front entrance is now covered with harassing posters. In addition to what was already there before, there's now another poster that says "Don't burn trash outside; it poisons the air."
I walked to the window to talk to the police and I saw that on the dry erase chalkboard on the back wall inside the police station, there's an address written. It starts off with:
"2 Fish Hill Rd"
It's written in big enough letters to be seen all the way across the room.
The police were extremely rude to me. They told me that they were busy and to have a seat in the lobby, that somebody would speak to me when available. I sat as told for a few minutes, but I figured that since the last time I'd asked the police for help, they still hadn't shown up after an hour even though what I was asking for wouldn't even have taken them a half hour to do, it was a waste of time to sit in the lobby and wait.
I offered to write a statement, and the police officer inside the station started yelling at me to "SIT DOWN AND WAIT!" I left, feeling that it wasn't in my best interests to stay.
Obviously, the police at that station have gotten the message from the state and federal government that abusing women is lucrative. I discussed some of the history of police and military pay-offs in my blog page from May 23, 2011, and gave directions on that blog page for how to find some documentation for it on my Friendster profiles.
If somebody does attack me, the police can't ignore that. Physical injury is something that they have to pay attention to.
It's just as bad and unfair for the police to be promoting crime as it is for anyone else to be doing it; you might even say, it's worse.
It's not as if I'm going to allow anyone, including police, to intimidate me out of making a report out of something such as being assaulted. Even if they refuse to take a statement, I'll talk about the corruption of the various police departments online and won't that be even more of a scandal?
What if I really get hurt, and then find a way to put pictures of the injuries on my blog, along with an essay that says "I showed up at the police station like this, and they yelled at me."? What if I get killed or disappear? What would that do to the image of the people who endorsed it from afar, who got other, average citizens to commit that crime?
Copyright L. Kochman May 24, 2011 @ 7:11 p.m.
--Kris Martin at the Times Argus
This absolutely has to be the last or next to last thing I do on the Internet tonight. I have to leave.
That's also why I can't take the time to direct people to find the specific dates, pages, etc.
Kris Martin, who calls himself the "Shoestring Fisherman" at the Times Argus, and whose articles about lakes, fishing, even with titles such as "Ready To Fish" have been on the front page of the Sports section next to pictures of and articles about female, high school athletes for months; so far, I've mentioned his behavior twice. I just wrote about it on a recent page, and the Boston Globe responded by going back to find the previous blog page where I'd written about Mr. Martin and rewarding him by referencing him on the front page of the next day's Boston Globe.
The article which the Boston Globe referenced was called "The Big O" by Mr. Martin. The Boston Globe referenced Mr. Martin's article by calling their front page article "Putting the 'O' in Obama."
That is the kind of thing that happened last summer, when I reported that a woman named Cheryl Herrick had used her kids in pedophilic references in the Burlington Free Press; blog posts for Michelle Obama gave encouragement to Ms. Herrick, referencing the name "Cheryl" and so on.
It's always something I try to consider; will my reporting of the horrible things that happen finally add up to enough people getting sickened by it for it to end, or will it just result in the people who do those horrible things getting rewarded by the big harassers?
--Unbelievable harassment today by police, in the center of town
There's a large, half-circle, bench monument in the park at the end of the downtown area where I live. It is a public place, where anyone should be able to sit, read, or do anything else that people normally do in parks and on benches.
It's always difficult to get enough sleep at the shelter. We have to get up at 6:00 a.m. and out the door by 7:00 a.m. every day. We are allowed back in around 6:30 p.m. at night, but with a lot of people competing for 3 showers in two bathrooms, one of which is in the basement where, for understandable reasons, two residents of either gender aren't allowed to be at the same time but which also holds the laundry system, it is a challenge to get everything I need to do each night done in enough time to be able to get a full night's sleep.
Add to that ongoing harassment in the shelter, even by occupants of the room I sleep in when they feel like it, and over weeks of time it adds up to sleep deprivation.
This morning, I was trying to get some rest on the bench. They're doing some construction there, and a police car was parked there before I got there to accompany the construction. After about a half-hour of my lying on the bench, a police officer woke me up and said "They're going to clean here now. They're going to spray the whole area, so you can't stay here."
He was smirking at me.
I got up and walked out of the monument; I saw a guy with a small truck and a power sprayer, getting ready to hose down the entire monument.
It must be that the police officer had seen me on the bench and had called the guy with the power sprayer to come over so that they could tell me that they were going to wash the whole monument.
This is fascism. That's all it is. That's all it's ever been.
@ 7:32 p.m.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
THERE'S A LAUNDROMAT THAT HAS HAD WET FLOOR SIGNS UP ON ITS COUNTER FOR WEEKS. NOT ONLY IS THERE NO WET FLOOR, THERE'S DEFINITELY NO WET FLOOR ON THAT COUNTER.
May 24, 2011
--Changes at the shelter
I organized quite a few things to write on what I was going to call "May 23, 2011, Part 2" yesterday, but then last night I found out that the management of the shelter disabled the computer so that residents have to ask a staffperson to log them on. Residents also have to prove that they're using the shelter's Internet for work or housing searches.
I can understand that that rule probably would have been implemented eventually, because a lot of people who end up in shelters have drug problems and/or criminal pasts or presents, and it would just be too easy to use the shelter's Internet for those purposes if no limits were set. However, I think that fear about the political situation much hastened the implementation of that rule as of yesterday.
I can't use the shelter's Internet for my blogs anymore. I also don't think that I can go back to the library in the town where I live, because the staff there harassed me just more and more until I couldn't take it anymore, as I've documented, and they REALLY ARE SO involved in terrible things. Pedophilia and the degradation and abuse of women ARE TERRIBLE, and any healthy, normal person is going to be upset by people who support those things. It's disgusting, what that library did.
Now I have to walk 3 hours to get to this library, where they leave me in peace; except for last week when they thought I was supporting pedophilia, and now, when for whatever reason they've got red tape all over the front door to the usual bathroom, with signs on it saying "Stay Out!" and "Bathroom Temporarily Out of Service!"
There's also a sign on the outside of the bathroom door that says "You can use the bathroom downstairs." I went downstairs to find a very distressed-looking woman waiting in line.
When I went back upstairs, I asked the first librarian I saw what had happened to the restroom. She said "It was leaking all over the floor so that you could hear it downstairs." I asked her when it would be fixed and she said "I don't know; they're working on it today." I told her that I hoped it would be fixed soon, for the sake of everyone else who wants to be in the library. Then she let me into another bathroom, not the OBVIOUSLY WORKING BATHROOM THAT HAS RED TAPE ALL OVER IT AND WHOEVER DID THAT TO THE BATHROOM COULDN'T BE MORE AWFUL! YOU COULDN'T BE MORE AWFUL! bathroom, and not the one downstairs.
There are also books that the librarians have put on display; more ships and so on. That kind of thing was there before anybody thought I might be endorsing pedophilia, which I have never done and I will never do; if it's really anything more than cruelty, sexism, and jealousy, I'd like to know what it is.
--I could have been arrested today
It's terrible how many people will just stand there and say "I don't know what you're talking about" when you confront them about things like what I just described. At times over the past few weeks, I've tried to go into stores that have signs in their windows or on the sidewalk in front of their stores that say things like "Keep It Clean" or pictures of boats or references to other situations. Often, I've been successful in persuading people in those businesses that I don't deserve it, but not today.
Today, I went into a few businesses in a row that had things like that out on their lawns or in their windows, and I wasn't my usual reasonable, friendly self about it. I went in, blistering, saying "I'm NOT dirty or bad, and I've never done ANYTHING to you or to anybody else in this town."
I don't have any money for a bus pass, not even one way for one day, and there are no programs that give them out that I'm aware of so far, although I've asked. It's dangerous for me to walk from the town I'm living in to this town; so far, in the past week, it's been one day after another of men slowing down to stop their cars next to me or in front of where I'm going to be if I keep walking in the direction I'm going, or yelling at me out of their windows. Somebody recently donated 4 boxes of Cheese Nips to the shelter; I don't think that the shelter is a safe place for me to be. I don't think that the management should be encouraging me to be harassed there. There are a lot of men there, and I don't think that they or anybody else should be getting encouraged to treat me like this. I'm not leaving, because what needs to happen is that the big harassers, the government and everybody else, need to stop doing what they're doing and stop encouraging people like the shelter management to let me be abused, but it's a bad situation there, and has been for a while.
I think that all of the signs, all of the commercials, all of the news stories, all of the blog posts; all of that is contributing to something that's going to end in one of two ways, or both. Either, like today, I'm going to confront people who have those kinds of signs on their sidewalks and "Wet Floor" signs on their completely dry floors and I will be too upset to confront them successfully and then they'll call the police AFTER THEIR DELIBERATE ANTAGONISM THAT THEY LIED TO MY FACE ABOUT WORKED, and then I'll get arrested, which is what happened today except that I didn't get arrested, or somebody will assault me and kill me.
The places today were, if I recall correctly:
--A car place that had a sign out front that said "Keep it clean." I went in and said what I had to say; then I kicked over the cone that they had holding their door open.
--A Mobil station that had the "Engines Adore Clean" and similar banners all over the lot, in addition to tons of harassment in their windows. I went in and saw their "Caution: Wet Floor", yellow sign on their completely dry floor where no customer who goes to the cash register can miss it. I told the manager "I'm not dirty or bad, and I've never done anything to you or anybody else here." Then I left, without knocking anything over. That was the only place that told the police to give me a "No Trespass Order," even though all I did was say what was on my mind. I didn't even raise my voice.
--A Burger King that has the "100% Flame-Broiled Whopper" sign out front; a huge banner. I'll tell you what, they also have a cardboard sign on their counter near the register advertising for "Peak" iced tea; that IS A PLACE WHERE PEOPLE BRING THEIR KIDS! It's obviously a reference to what I had originally written in my essay trying to imagine how anyone could be a pedophile, when I said "children are growing toward, rather than away from, their peak years of physical beauty." Days ago, I changed some of that essay, because I knew I was going to try to write an essay about "peak oil" and I didn't need the headache of what all of the harassing, pedophilic blog posts and ads would look like after that, but obviously I made the change a bit late.
Burger King also had unnecessary signs about bacon and cheese on the counter, but I kept calm if not friendly until I was almost out the door. The "Shake Up Your Wake Up" sign that was taped to the inside of the door was too much for me and I ripped it off the door before I walked out.
--KFC: The big sign in their window is advertising $5 meals," and you can see FROM OUTSIDE the big drink machine sign that says "QUENCH YOUR THIRST." There was also a large, yellow, "Wet Floor" cone on the completely dry floor of the lobby. There was nobody at all behind the counter, so I picked up the cone and put it on the floor on the other side of the counter. Then I saw some people in the side room, and asked to speak to the manager. I said "I'm not dirty or bad, and I've never done anything to you." Then I left.
All of those places are in short walking distance, one to the next.
Within a few minutes, 2 police sedans and a police SUV and pulled up along the side of the road or parked near me. Every business I'd confronted about its behavior had called the police. Before I'd walked out, and before they'd called the police, every person in every business whom I'd confronted had said "I don't know what you're talking about."
I refused to say anything to the police about what happened; I said "I don't mean to be disrespectful, but I don't have anything to say."
It all worked out as well as it could; apparently, the people in those businesses couldn't bring themselves to really, truly lie, and I only got one "Do Not Trespass" notice. They couldn't really have lied, anyway; the police all know what's going on. When one of the police officers relayed my name back to the station, he spelled it out "K as in King, O as in Ocean, C as in Charles..." and so on.
If the big harassers don't stop, if the government and the media and the corporations and the celebrities don't stop, I'm either going to get arrested or I'm going to get assaulted. I could even get assaulted more than once before someone finally kills me.
I need everyone who doesn't understand that that is what's going to happen IF THEY DON"T STOP what they're doing that that's what's going to happen. No other outcome is possible; it's not possible.
I don't want to be a martyr. I want to go on with my life. The reason that what's happened is discrimination is that it's prevented me from having a normal life, and that prevention has been based on my gender.
There's an essay that I wrote that hopefully I will get to putting here today, and some of that will sound like a repeat of this; as I've said, many times, the slurs don't hurt my feelings because I know that even if the slurs were true, which they're not, only ignorance or corruption causes people to make those kinds of slurs toward other people. If you are too afraid not to make those slurs because powerful people are doing it and you're scared of what they'll do to you if you refuse to participate, that's also a form of corruption.
@ 5:42 p.m./additions @ 5:48 p.m./ additions/edits @ 6:05 p.m.
--From the end of May 23, 2011
To continue my discussion from the end of the last page; shouldn't we be conserving the amount of oil that's left in the world? Shouldn't we be trying out large-scale sources of sustainable energy, so that we can start learning what that's going to be like? Won't we probably have a lot of troubleshooting to do with sustainable energy once it replaces fossil fuels, and won't we have to go through that troubleshooting process no matter when we make that replacement and start relying entirely on sustainable energy?
Why should we spend the next few decades using up the last of our fossil fuels and then try to rely on sustainable energy with no back-up, emergency energy source for the inevitable things that will go wrong, especially in the beginning when we're getting used to it?
--Essay about some mistakes, misunderstandings, and the probable future if things don't change
No matter how many mistakes I make in my communication about various issues, the end result is always going to be my not getting willingly involved with people and situations that I think are bad. One of the reasons that I make mistakes is that the issues are so terrible and so large in ways that I've never seen before that sometimes I don't know what to do.
In addition to setbacks to the causes that occur when I make mistakes, there's the possibility of people being disappointed when they get involved with bad things while they're thinking that I'll be ok with it someday, and then they find that I'm not.
As far as the causes themselves go, I don't know how effective I can always be right now, or for the foreseeable future. Summer means that more people are outdoors, and that they have more energy to cause trouble when they're indoors; the summer's going to be a lot worse for my getting harassed in person than March, April and May were, although March, April and May have been bad, and that has affected me.
I've been wondering lately if I really am going to get killed. Even when you know how real a possibility it is, it's hard to believe it on an emotional level. Anne Frank said that, didn't she? She wrote "I still believe that people are good at heart."
It still isn't the opinion of people whom I consider unreasonable that gets to me; the presence of evil isn't nearly so difficult to withstand as is the absence of goodness.
I'm going to say this, too:
Of the extra abuse I've had over the past few weeks; I don't think that I saw the people who have stepped up their abuse of me doing much in particular to support the positive issues that I supported. No, if they think that they have some extra justification for abusing me now, I wonder why they think that? They just expect me to handle all of the horrible things that have happened by myself, do they? I'm supposed to get rid of all the pedophiles in Vermont by myself, I'm just supposed to be able to emotionally handle everything that's happened, I'm supposed to be able to handle all of the abuse I've already taken EVERY DAY for what's going to be in sum total 2 years this fall, and I'm never supposed to make errors, and I'm never supposed to want anything for myself, and I'm supposed to be some kind of superhuman saint? Right? And if I fail at that, you just heap on your abuse and go on with your day, and lie about it to my face when I show up and ask you why you're doing it.
How anyone can look at this situation and not be horrified by the sheer number of people who are perpetrating this abuse, which does affect women in general but is directed at me specifically, and I'm one person; that's something it's difficult for me to understand. Why don't you think it's unfair?
All of the people who are learning these previously unheard-of, terrible ways to treat others; because of their behavior, countless opportunities for good interactions have been lost, and will continue to be lost. Those people are far more degraded by their own behavior than I am, but I miss getting along with all kinds of people. That was an accomplishment of adulthood that I enjoyed, and that has been significantly hampered by people trying to say things about my vagina whenever they see me. Just stop talking about my vagina all the time; it's still harassment, even if you think you're trying to be nice. My vagina is not an appropriate subject for discussion under most circumstances, but it's especially inappropriate when I say that it is. You can't just walk up to people and talk to them about their genitals, or make jokes about it all the time, or make jokes to other people around you that you want the object of your harassment to hear. The fact that the President says it's a good thing to do doesn't mean that it's a good thing to do; he's a bad President, and he is doing an evil thing.
I don't get angry because President Obama and his supporters are more powerful than I am. I get angry because what they're doing is terrible. Sometimes it's still difficult for me to believe that it's happening.
I still don't think that it's the majority of people in this town or the next who are in support of the abuse. For 20% of them to be in support of it is enough to make me as uncomfortable as I've been. They are also still, by and large, obviously ignorant or corrupt people who are in favor of the abuse, and not people of obvious education or with strongly defined, solid personal and professional values that they demonstrate in other ways outside of their abusive behavior.
Of the people who have some education who are part of the abuse; they have tended to be very provincial. Living in towns this size will make you that way if you stay here long enough.
@ 6:40 p.m.//Additions @ 6:51 p.m.
--A guy followed me from place to place on Sunday/you commit the crime and the people who told you to do it get away
A guy followed me from place to place on Sunday. That was scary. I finally got a ride back into the center of town from a woman whose house was the first house I got to that had just the screen door closed.
If I do get attacked, raped or killed, those are still crimes that will have to be prosecuted, regardless of the political situation. It's not fair to me for anyone in government, the media, or anywhere else to encourage people to commit those crimes, but it's also not fair to the people who are encouraged to do it. Why should their lives get ruined because they were encouraged to do bad things by those in society whose job it is to encourage civilization rather than the destruction of civilization?
--A decision for my case was postponed/ Is the government waiting to see if it can find an opportune time to prosecute me?
I had a hearing on May 12, 2011. I didn't need to go to it, and don't know how I would have gotten there if I had had to go to it. A few days after the May 12 hearing, I learned that the decision about the case had been postponed and that another hearing was scheduled for June 13, 2011. Some of the things I've seen in the past few weeks, before today, on President Obama's blog posts and on the front page of the Burlington Free Press make me wonder if what's happening is that there are those in Vermont state and in the federal government who are waiting to see if there's going to be a politically opportune time to prosecute me and put me in jail for what happened in November, 2010.
@ 6:58 p.m.
--Issues at the shelter/corrupt police
There were issues at the shelter the other night. I went to the police station and saw that the entire bulletin board in the front entrance is now covered with harassing posters. In addition to what was already there before, there's now another poster that says "Don't burn trash outside; it poisons the air."
I walked to the window to talk to the police and I saw that on the dry erase chalkboard on the back wall inside the police station, there's an address written. It starts off with:
"2 Fish Hill Rd"
It's written in big enough letters to be seen all the way across the room.
The police were extremely rude to me. They told me that they were busy and to have a seat in the lobby, that somebody would speak to me when available. I sat as told for a few minutes, but I figured that since the last time I'd asked the police for help, they still hadn't shown up after an hour even though what I was asking for wouldn't even have taken them a half hour to do, it was a waste of time to sit in the lobby and wait.
I offered to write a statement, and the police officer inside the station started yelling at me to "SIT DOWN AND WAIT!" I left, feeling that it wasn't in my best interests to stay.
Obviously, the police at that station have gotten the message from the state and federal government that abusing women is lucrative. I discussed some of the history of police and military pay-offs in my blog page from May 23, 2011, and gave directions on that blog page for how to find some documentation for it on my Friendster profiles.
If somebody does attack me, the police can't ignore that. Physical injury is something that they have to pay attention to.
It's just as bad and unfair for the police to be promoting crime as it is for anyone else to be doing it; you might even say, it's worse.
It's not as if I'm going to allow anyone, including police, to intimidate me out of making a report out of something such as being assaulted. Even if they refuse to take a statement, I'll talk about the corruption of the various police departments online and won't that be even more of a scandal?
What if I really get hurt, and then find a way to put pictures of the injuries on my blog, along with an essay that says "I showed up at the police station like this, and they yelled at me."? What if I get killed or disappear? What would that do to the image of the people who endorsed it from afar, who got other, average citizens to commit that crime?
Copyright L. Kochman May 24, 2011 @ 7:11 p.m.
--Kris Martin at the Times Argus
This absolutely has to be the last or next to last thing I do on the Internet tonight. I have to leave.
That's also why I can't take the time to direct people to find the specific dates, pages, etc.
Kris Martin, who calls himself the "Shoestring Fisherman" at the Times Argus, and whose articles about lakes, fishing, even with titles such as "Ready To Fish" have been on the front page of the Sports section next to pictures of and articles about female, high school athletes for months; so far, I've mentioned his behavior twice. I just wrote about it on a recent page, and the Boston Globe responded by going back to find the previous blog page where I'd written about Mr. Martin and rewarding him by referencing him on the front page of the next day's Boston Globe.
The article which the Boston Globe referenced was called "The Big O" by Mr. Martin. The Boston Globe referenced Mr. Martin's article by calling their front page article "Putting the 'O' in Obama."
That is the kind of thing that happened last summer, when I reported that a woman named Cheryl Herrick had used her kids in pedophilic references in the Burlington Free Press; blog posts for Michelle Obama gave encouragement to Ms. Herrick, referencing the name "Cheryl" and so on.
It's always something I try to consider; will my reporting of the horrible things that happen finally add up to enough people getting sickened by it for it to end, or will it just result in the people who do those horrible things getting rewarded by the big harassers?
--Unbelievable harassment today by police, in the center of town
There's a large, half-circle, bench monument in the park at the end of the downtown area where I live. It is a public place, where anyone should be able to sit, read, or do anything else that people normally do in parks and on benches.
It's always difficult to get enough sleep at the shelter. We have to get up at 6:00 a.m. and out the door by 7:00 a.m. every day. We are allowed back in around 6:30 p.m. at night, but with a lot of people competing for 3 showers in two bathrooms, one of which is in the basement where, for understandable reasons, two residents of either gender aren't allowed to be at the same time but which also holds the laundry system, it is a challenge to get everything I need to do each night done in enough time to be able to get a full night's sleep.
Add to that ongoing harassment in the shelter, even by occupants of the room I sleep in when they feel like it, and over weeks of time it adds up to sleep deprivation.
This morning, I was trying to get some rest on the bench. They're doing some construction there, and a police car was parked there before I got there to accompany the construction. After about a half-hour of my lying on the bench, a police officer woke me up and said "They're going to clean here now. They're going to spray the whole area, so you can't stay here."
He was smirking at me.
I got up and walked out of the monument; I saw a guy with a small truck and a power sprayer, getting ready to hose down the entire monument.
It must be that the police officer had seen me on the bench and had called the guy with the power sprayer to come over so that they could tell me that they were going to wash the whole monument.
This is fascism. That's all it is. That's all it's ever been.
@ 7:32 p.m.
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THERE'S A LAUNDROMAT THAT HAS HAD WET FLOOR SIGNS UP ON ITS COUNTER FOR WEEKS. NOT ONLY IS THERE NO WET FLOOR, THERE'S DEFINITELY NO WET FLOOR ON THAT COUNTER.